It’s that time of the month … for my review of the local Craigslist casual encounters section. When I say “local”, in this case “local” is Hartford, Connecticut, about an hour’s drive south from where I am living now. It’s the first sizeable metropolitan area near me now. If it’s not sizeable, the postings tend to be lame. I tried reviewing Hartford last month and found it quite promising.
I can count at least 194 web page views for this stuff in May, or about 11% of my total web traffic. Today at midweek looking at the first page of ads I find that as usual horny men are taking over the place:
- 41 men are looking for a man
- 42 men are looking for a woman
- 1 man is looking for multiple men
- 4 men are looking for a couple
- 2 guys are teaming up and are looking for one woman
- 2 transgender women are looking for a man
- 2 couples are looking for a couple
- 3 women looking for a man
Hopefully, Hartford won’t disappoint me in June. Let’s dig in:
- Legitimate postings from women in this part of Craigslist are pretty rare. Here’s a 63-year-old woman looking for an endowed man to give him a blowjob. The only thing that piques my curiosity is how many men (probably much younger) are so horny they don’t care about her age. I’m betting it’s a lot but I’m not convinced the ad is legitimate.
- Can a FWB (friend with benefits) also be a freak? That’s what this self-proclaimed big beautiful woman wants from her FWB. She doesn’t want just any freak, but a very well endowed black man who is freaky. She’s 44 but doesn’t want you if you are attached. Speaking for myself, the last thing I want in a friend is someone freaky.
- Two female roommates are looking to “share” a well-endowed man, presumably at the same time. Curiously though they won’t host. What’s up with that?
- She offers “sweet relief” but it sounds like she really offers especially intimate massages, all completely safe, so don’t expect kissing or penetration. I’d bring a lot of cash.
- She offers even safer sex: naughty pictures by email of her 19-year-old coed body, but only for a fee, of course. She’s posted at least twice: here and here.
- She is looking for officer material … literally. If you aren’t a police officer, don’t bother responding.
- How respectful is a 59-year-old man posting as a woman so he can get you to read an ad where he says he wants to watch you masturbate to orgasm? Not very. Respect starts with being truthful, dude. Post this crap under m4w.
- Are you a submissive lesbian woman hoping for a dominant 28-year-old woman? This lady from Glastonbury looks great in her red dress, so even if you are not submissive you might want to fake it for the chance to play with her.
- Ladies, here’s your opportunity to try out a woman from Vernon who has never had a woman, but only if her 21-year-old boyfriend can watch. Pass.
- In a similar vein, here’s a submissive lady looking for a “sister slave”. Pass on this one as well.
- This is odd: a couple is looking for a well-endowed black man to see intimate pictures of his 45-year-old wife, but you will never meet. It all has to be done virtually. Why do their requirements matter? And why bother if this is your thing? You can see five intimate pictures of her posted in the ad and save yourself the hassle of contacting them.
- This is odder: a couple is looking to get spanked by a man age 60 or older, but they are not looking for sex or inappropriate touching. A dirty old man can’t catch a break on Craigslist!
- It’s not often that you can see what you will get in advance. Hartford has an art cinema and this couple is coming there to play on Saturday, and the wife will be very accommodating to all men that meet her criteria. Freshly showered and well-endowed guys should plan to be inside the Hartford Art cinema starting in the afternoon. They’ll be playing on both levels. She may be 51, but she can wash my car anytime. See photos.
- This is a confusing ad: a man-woman couple is actually a dominant man and “she” is his slave boy, age 24. They are looking for you (a guy) to have “her” to degrade and do many other nasty things to “her”, but only safely.
- He’s 55 and is looking for a man to “rim”. If you don’t know what that is, suffice to say you probably don’t want to know. He doesn’t want to reciprocate but you must be half his age or less. The main requirement is to have nice buns.
- They are a couple. He wants her to squirt, but she doesn’t know how, so she needs a teacher. You (a woman) should come over and show her how it is done. My question: where do you get certified in this stuff?
- Hair is good, the more the better according to this gay man who likes his men natural, including sporting an untrimmed beard.
- Finally, an honest man: he’s simply looking for a “piece of meat”. I’d suggest a tube steak from the local Big Y.
- Last but not least is this truly kinky ad from a woman looking for a man. Dildos and an open mouth are required. She’s in her late 30s.
More in July.
Now that I’ve moved I’ve considered giving up monthly reviews of the local Craigslist Casual Encounters section. But my web statistics keep telling me to persevere. These posts remain popular for my small blog: 206 hits in the last 30 days, 218 hits for April, about 12% of my total hits. And that’s just the web traffic, and only the top ten pages with “Craigslist” in the title of the post. Add in syndicated traffic and my email subscribers and the number is doubtless higher.
Where I’m living now (Western Massachusetts) these postings are too lame to share. Springfield is fifteen miles away from me. It is Massachusetts’s third largest city with 700,000 people in the greater area. But it doesn’t warrant its own Craigslist section. So if I’m going to look for weird casual encounter postings, I either need to stop or broaden my range of “local”.
Aside from city of Springfield, the nearest largest cities are Hartford, Connecticut; Albany, New York; and Boston. Boston’s Craigslist includes most of the eastern part of Massachusetts including Worchester. Hartford is practically in spitting distance from Springfield. Its greater metropolitan area has about 1.2 million people, which makes it comparable to the Northern Virginia region that I used to scan. So it will do. But will it have the same bizarre flavor as Northern Virginia’s Craigslist section? Or are people less kinky in Greater Hartford? Let’s sample postings on this Wednesday night to find out.
- This sexy black man with quite a bit to spare between the legs could have his choice of women into “larger” men, but for some reason is posting for a “tranny” instead. Whatever floats your boat, dude.
- In Northern Virginia it wasn’t hard to find groups of heterosexual guys looking to gangbang one or more women. There is little evidence so far that there are groups of guys like this in Hartford, but there is at least this dynamic duo, age 30 from Newington.
- Oh my goodness! There are scam artists on Craigslist! Who would have thought? Off Pascal Lane in Manchester is this “woman” (see her picture) who is actually a passable transvestite with a secret boyfriend in the back. Meet her and rather than get sex her boyfriend will rob you. At least this poster was kind enough to warn fellow casual encounters readers. Let’s hope this deters a few of these many highly hormone-infused men.
- In fact there are plenty of women who are using Craigslist to pay a few bills, and then some. Yes, shockingly there are whores in this area of Craigslist. Of course, this is not news to regular readers of this area, and when looking at W4M posts they are easy to find. Some get missed but are easy to spot if you read between the lines:
- She claims to be 25 and is looking for an older guy who “knows how to take care of a girl”
- She’s 24, a BBW (big beautiful woman) and wants to spend quality time with you but only if you are not cheap
- She’s not technically a whore as you won’t get any sex, but she is “trying to make ends meet” and will send you “private pictures” presumably only if you meet her ends, but not meet in her end
- He’s stuck at an airport hotel. His idea of successfully getting unstuck is to stick something very personal of his into you (a woman). He wants to know if any women are intrigued enough to come to his hotel, but most likely a woman won’t even read his ad. I suggest the hotel’s bar, if it has one, for his cruising ground tonight. This guy from Enfield is also at a hotel and feeling frisky, so feel free to shop around ladies! Ask if there are free chocolate chip cookies at the hotel’s front desk.
- Why are women having so much trouble finding age 60+ men for sex? My guess it is the generally high incidence of erectile dysfunction in this group caused by the lower testosterone levels of older men in general. Anyhow, this woman from Middlesex County is pissed about it and will give you a piece of her mind because she says she’s legit. She may actually be this poster too. She’s available near Dartmouth Crossing and is usually available between 9 AM and 1 PM. Perhaps the local Red Roof Inn has convenient hourly rates and a senior citizen discount.
- Attention clueless Craigslist men: here are some signs that a posting from a woman might not be legit. She has the same URL plastered three times over her picture. Her ad title says she’s looking for “skaters” and “bbc” but her ad doesn’t mention either of these. Of course she looks very young and hot. How is this happening? Some scammers are picking erotic pictures off the Internet, embedding their adult site in the picture and wrapping them around a simple program that spits out lurid titles and one line “sentences” with no punctuation then posts them probably using an automated process. There are dozens of these a day that look similar, usually with no location attached because a spammer can’t be bothered to take time to find the names of cities near where they are targeting. Enlightened yet?
- Women embed their phone numbers in these ads all the time. These women are hookers and their ads are quickly flagged. It is unusual to see a guy looking for a gal adapt the same strategy, but this 54-year-old dude seems to want mostly to cuddle and have conversation.
- Another “dad” (49 from West Hartford) is looking for his “son”. Not to worry Dad, your 22-year-old son wants to hear from you too.
- Apparently Hartford has an “art” cinema. You don’t find many of these anymore. They used to be called adult theaters, in those days before X rated videos became widely available. Now it’s all the porn you can want for free on the Internet. Anyhow apparently the Hartford Art Cinema is one of these theaters still catering to the raincoat crowd. Based on this review on Reddit, it sounds like a pretty disgusting theater, but apparently at least occasionally consenting adults do naughty things in semi-public there. It sounds like a place where dirty old men and dirty middle aged men can hang out. When not surreptitiously masturbating on a good day maybe a couple like this one will come in and provide a show, and maybe more.
- Ladies: if you want to see a guy jerk off, this 50-year-old guy is happy to oblige. Here’s another guy with a simpler proposition: you want to get high? If you want to get high badly enough, you won’t care that he’s 39 and married.
- If you are a gay man and want to use a man’s mouth for your urinal, this 27-year-old guy from Hartford with a suggestive picture taken in a men’s room is ready.
- Most men looking for women in this section of Craigslist know it’s a waste of time. If you are going to post this type of ad anyhow, be specific. Ask for women with pigtails and sneakers, like this 36-year-old man from Hartford.
More next month, maybe. Hartford looks promising for this sort of entertainment.
This will be my last monthly survey of Northern Virginia Craigslist casual encounter section. A month from now I will be living in New England. Western Massachusetts (where I’ll be living) has a very lame Craigslist casual encounters section. But I’ll be an hour from Hartford, Connecticut and ninety minutes from Boston. I might survey this section for these cities for future posts. It’s a cheap form of entertainment for you and it’s an easy way for me to garner hits without sweating too much at the keyboard. These posts garnered at least 175 web page views in March, about a hundred less than in February and amounted to just ten percent of web traffic. So I may have mined this Craigslist meme for all it’s worth, which may be a relief to some of you looking for weightier content. I’ll see how it goes.
Surveying the first page of posts tonight I see:
- 46 men looking for a woman
- 24 men looking for a man
- 5 men looking for a couple
- 8 women looking for a man
- 1 woman looking for a woman, which appears to be a post warning that the referenced ad is a fake
- 4 transgender people looking for a man
- 2 couples looking for another couple
And now for the naughty bits:
- Linda Lovelace lives … or at least has been reincarnated. This youngish woman of an unspecified age is going retro (early 1970s) when the braless look and halter-tops were in. If you don’t know what Linda was known for, let’s just say she claimed her clitoris was deep down her throat. That should be enough for you to know what she wants to do with a man tonight, and she wants her man very wide between his legs. I suspect this is another bogus ad, but who knows? Maybe she is into erotic asphyxiation.
- Couples, what’s the point of having a threesome with just any man when you can go with a reliable source? This 48-year-old man from McLean claims to have done this many times, and misses his FWB couple and actually prefers to be the extra male. He does have some competition tonight, such as this 42-year-old Scot from Arlington, so be selective couples!
- As a 50-plus man, I can understand the appeal of a “sugar babe” half my age if I were independently wealthy. But how much sugar should a 48-year-old woman be worth, particularly when she spells sugar “surgar” and can’t complete a grammatical sentence? Men: give her Splenda instead.
- He’s a 28-year-old man from Gaithersburg wanting to buy women’s used panties, the messier the better. He’s open to worn bras as well. He’s either into female pheromones or, more likely, he’s so unattractive that this is the closest he can get to intimacy with a woman, which is pathetic. He is willing to trade just in case you are a woman with a similar kink.
- Men seem to find infinite ways to have their M4W ad stand out on Craigslist. Usually it’s the unappealing dick pic. This six foot one inch guy of an indeterminate age is going for the mentorship angle. It probably won’t work but he must figure it’s worth a try.
- Faked incest ads are still in evidence this month. Here’s a 24-year-old “son” looking for his freaky “mom”. He is looking for a woman over age 30. So it’s okay if your mom was 7 years old when she had you? What’s up with that?
- She’s 31, married but attracted to her gender and wants to work out her feelings through dirty texting only.
- He’s from Montgomery County, horny but doesn’t want to get past third base. He’s willing to pay you for your time. What’s with not wanting to score that home run? Most likely: fear of erectile dysfunction.
- This is weird. He’s a 42-year-old guy from Centreville looking for a guy, but he’s got a girlfriend. He wants to deep throat you wearing his girlfriend’s nylon panties and he wants to do this in your car in a parking lot near where he lives. He’s not only weird; he’s weirdly particular. And there are seven pictures of him wearing various colors of his girlfriend’s panties. He pretty much gets all the colors of the rainbow.
- It’s a 23-year-old surfer dude from Woodbridge who hasn’t been laid in two years. Ladies, check out his Beach Boys approved picture and catch his wave!
- She’s a 33-year-old African American “pillow princess” from Manassas. Basically she and her boyfriend want to have a threesome with a woman. She wants to get dirty with you but screwing her man is out, although a blowjob is maybe okay. However, if you do it she’ll probably be upset and pout. So it basically sounds like she is not ready for this, so find another ad instead ladies.
- If you are a woman looking for a woman tonight, go for this extremely cute 19-year-old from Ashburn. Most men would willingly undergo a sex change operation to have one encounter with her. Even weirder: the ad looks legit.
- Craigslist ads are often baffling and this one from what looks like a black woman who is never having sex again but wants to give oral sex is one of the most baffling tonight. She either has a phobia against her own genitals or has a terrible yeast infection. Or she’s high as a kite. I’m going with the last one.
- Married men looking for a bit on the side ads tend to overwhelm this Craigslist section. They all want a single woman who can host and are desperately advertising for her. Finally, a 41-year-old single woman from Alexandria has an ad just for you horn dogs. Doubtless her email inbox is overflowing and may be crashing her email server.
- Speaking of dogs: men, are you submissive? Would you like to be her dog? Prepare to start howling for her moons. Good doggy!
- A married 42-year-old BBW female exhibitionist with her husband’s consent seeks a single male voyeur. She is looking for erotic modeling requests, hopefully outdoors. If you are hoping for more, it looks like this is as far as you will get with her.
- A group of older and mostly married bikers is looking for one woman. Basically they are only interested in making sperm bank deposits into your mouth.
For me the woman looking for a man to be her dog wins the award for the most bizarre and disturbing ad this month.
Sorry Craigslist fans. I am a bit late with this month’s review. I typically do it on the first Friday of the month. But I was occupied with my weekend trip to Baltimore and selling my house. So here I am midweek and wondering if the quality of postings on the Northern Virginia Craigslist Casual Encounters section on a Wednesday will come close to matching those I usually find on Fridays. There’s only one way to find out and that’s to dive in.
A few statistics first. For February I had at least 255 web page requests for my Craigslist posts, about 14% of total traffic. Doubtless there were many more via email and newsfeeds that I can’t track. The first page of listings today shows no women at all looking for men. This would be strange except such posts are almost quickly flagged and deleted, because they are usually judged as bogus. So I will browse beyond the first page so women get some representation today. Otherwise on page one I see:
- 39 men looking for women
- 47 men looking for a man
- 2 men looking for a couple
- 2 women looking for a woman
- 1 couple looking for another couple
- 4 transgender people looking for a man
So here we go:
- He’s a 23-year-old man with a hotel room and his own gloryhole inside it. I’m trying to figure out how he does this. He can’t replace the hotel room door with his own door. I guess he would have to haul his own door into the hotel room and put it up there, but presumably it can’t attach to the wall or anything. And it would be pretty hard to hide from security cameras. Or maybe he strings a blanket from the ceiling and cuts out a hole in it, or puts up an eight foot high piece of cardboard attached to the walls with duct tape. I have no particular attraction to my own sex, but I kind of wish he included a picture with his set up. It would probably qualify for posting on whitetrashrepairs.com.
- She’s from Manassas and wants to learn how to milk your prostate. Speaking as a guy, this sounds about as much fun as getting kicked in the balls, but if you are into this give her a try. You must send a photo and be over 40.
- He’s basically a 22-year-old virgin. He’d probably have more luck snaring a woman if he simply put that in the ad’s title.
- She’s 19, from Bristow and is into daddy incest. Not with her real daddy of course, and I suspect this is ultimately about separating you from your wallet. Her picture may convince you to give her a try. If you want to do this with a MILF, this 41-year-old woman is looking for a male to do bondage with and possibly incest role-play as well. What she really wants is to use you to find another woman to join you who she would then top. This sounds very complicated! So if that’s too much, there’s also this 42-year-old woman looking for a similar daddy encounter, which presumably would mean a happy time for some 60+ area man. Incest, or really fake incest, must be the new up and coming kink on Craigslist.
- They are a couple looking for another couple but they do have their standards. To weed out flakes, the women must chat on the phone first and you must send them a picture of both of you together. Also, you must be in shape and under 50.
- Somewhere in Sterling or Ashburn is a 48-year-old crossdressing man who wants to meet another man in the public restroom stall in his office building. He wants to get to the bottom of this encounter, his bottom actually, but only until 5. Presumably he’ll be on an extended potty break from his desk job.
- If you are into urinating on, berating and degrading women on their balcony in the dark check out this attractive woman. She’s also looking for a big cock (aren’t they all?). Bonus if you like chomping on and smoking cigars. For something this weird, I actually hope she realizes her fantasy.
- Here’s a forties couple from Manassas/Woodbridge looking for a couple to basically date. Getting between the sheets is not their main objective.
- Men, if you are not into lady boys, you might want to make an exception for this 25-year-old tranny from Dunn Loring. Check out her picture and tell me what you think. Her only requirement is that you be under 30. Or maybe you would prefer a visiting black tranny with long black hair and wearing a spotted bra and a cool leather coat. Only I think she is charging. The Dunn Loring lady boy swears she is not.
- This is a bit strange. A 50+ guy is looking for a 50+ woman, principally because he needs a woman with him to get admitted into local nudist parties.
- He’s a 28-year-old tomcat, but at least he’s open enough about it. He wants to screw you every which way possible, all unprotected. Just don’t expect him to hang around and do boring things like love you, marry you and pay child support. I’d suggest that he hook up with this 24-year-old woman from Arlington, but she is looking for someone at least three years younger.
- For some reason I don’t understand, plenty of women are into seeing their man get off with another man. Do you have a husband, boyfriend or significant other you’d like to see get oral sex from another man while you watch? Here’s a guy that will oblige, but he’s strangely particular. The guy must be at least seven inches and under 35.
- Are you a man with an extensive collection of sex toys? This 31-year-old woman from Woodbridge is willing to let you try all of them on her, providing you are okay with her being a very, very large woman. You must host.
This is not a bad sampling for midweek. Another review will come next month, which is likely to be my last Craigslist critique, at least for here in Northern Virginia, as we’ll be moving. It is likely that there won’t be this level of kink and craziness where we are going.
It’s the first Friday of the month so that means it’s that time of the month … to plumb my local Craigslist Casual Encounters Section to see what bizarre and unusual postings are out there this cold night. Hopefully the embers of local Craigslist denizens are burning red hot tonight.
Some statistics for January come first. Google Analytics reports at least 261 pages of my Craigslist posts were served in January, quite a bit higher than in December, but traffic was up a bit in general last month. This amounted to about 14 percent of my overall web traffic. Meanwhile, looking at the first page of ads popping up tonight, I see the following posting demographics:
- 37 men looking for a woman
- 32 men looking for a man
- 3 men looking for a couple
- 4 men looking for a transgender
- 6 women looking for a man
- 5 women looking for a woman
- 4 couples looking for other couples
- 2 couples looking for a woman
- 6 couples looking for a man
- 4 transgender people (I must use the politically correct term) looking for a man
Let’s see how many eyebrows I can raise tonight. Not much fazes me anymore, so it’s more of a challenge to see if anything will raise my eyebrow.
- Couples, would it be a turn on to have a sex with guy in his mid 50s with a pock marked face and long flowing blondish hair that makes him look sort of girlish? Yes, this man is brave enough to post his picture though thankfully he has his clothes on. He says he’s bi and that his hair is shorter now. While he says he’s done this before he is really after the guy. He wants to orally please him to complete ecstasy. Oh, he smokes and is “physically challenged”. To me he looks like a creepy serial murderer.
- He’s 28 and from Alexandria and his birthday is Sunday. His Latina girlfriend will be his slave for the day as his birthday present. What he wants to do is tie her up naked on the bed and let men come over and jerk off all over her. Apparently this does not include penetration or any oral sex. You can see head and crotch shots of her at the link. The younger the better but you must be at least seven inches and in shape to take advantage of this opportunity.
- This 23-year-old guy is into female nerds, presumably the type that watch Third Rock from the Sun. He’s looking for freckles, braces and glasses and wants all three but will settle for less. Curiously one thing he is not explicitly looking for is sex. Now that’s kinky!
- This submissive bottom transgender’s ad is nothing special, but the little white ball hanging off the back of his/her panties certainly is odd. He’s 38 and lives in South Arlington and, of course, is looking for a man.
- Men don’t get to have all the kinky fun on Craigslist. Women can let their hair down too, as in this woman for multiple women ad proves. She’s a 30-year-old woman who is hosting a women only party tomorrow. You can be hetero, bi or a lesbian, it doesn’t matter, but you should come prepared to let your hair down. From the posted pictures also be prepared to let most of your clothes down as well. The fun starts at 8 p.m. and lasts until 1 a.m. If you are a woman in a hurry and are looking for just one woman tonight and are between 25-40, hit this size 18 up!
- She’s 32, lives in Vienna and looks great with soapy water running down her ass. She is also married but that doesn’t seem to be an issue if you want to be intimate with her, providing you are a dominant black man six foot or taller and 35+.
- Here’s a new way to get women’s attention: lure them with the promise of naked yoga. A few problems: he’s 40, married and new to yoga. Be prepared to dial 911 when he breaks a hamstring.
- If you are gay and into deciphering a very hard to understand post full of acronyms, partially spelled words and lots of odd punctuation, this 51-year-old old coot from Fort Hunt may be just what you need tonight. Clearly, he won’t be winning any spelling bees.
- If I were part of a couple into swinging with other couples and about twenty years younger, I’d definitely run, not walk, for the opportunity to hook up with the female half of this couple from Arlington. She’s Asian, has long flowing hair and breasts of someone half her age. In fact, I may need to go take a cold shower! If you can’t find the ad don’t worry as apparently it was posted twice.
- All right, 35-year-old guy from Sterling! Four ads about your desire to give a woman oral sex (and get yourself a FWB) are enough! Most likely you still won’t get any legitimate responses.
- Submissive ladies, why have one master when you can have two? Actually, it’s one master (49) and one mistress (29) and you can look forward to bondage, humiliation, pain and more humiliation. They are waiting for your worthless reply.
- I had no idea what “manscaping” was until I read this ad from a 44-year-old guy near Fair Oaks Mall. Apparently it involves razors and shaving cream and it’s something men do to other men. I’ll pass, thanks.
- Here’s something odd: a couple looking for a woman, but only to take photos of them nude.
- One of the kinks out there I will never get is urinating into someone’s mouth. Here’s a 28-year-old guy from Arlington (warning: explicit picture) looking for a guy to do this to him.
If the above looks pretty kinky or bizarre to you, you don’t hang out on Craigslist regularly. This is pretty pedestrian stuff. Let’s see if I find something weirder next month.
It’s a new year, but I doubt much has changed at my local Craigslist casual encounter section. Scanning the first page of today’s ads I count:
- 54 men looking for women
- 27 men looking for men
- 3 men looking for a couple
- 4 men looking for a transgender
- 1 woman looking for a man
- 2 women looking for a woman
- 2 couples looking for a woman
- 1 couple looking for another couple
- 1 transgender looking for man
I also count at least 216 web hits for my Craigslist posts in December, not great but traffic was slow in December, so this represents a bit over 13% of traffic, which is about normal. Women first today:
- She’s planning to visit us in late January and is looking for a couple to play with during the day at her hotel. She really wants to try a woman, which will be a first time for her. Her boyfriend is coming too but plans to be at meetings, but he may be available to watch. I would certainly find an excuse to get out of a meeting to watch these fireworks.
- There must be more gay men in the Dulles Technology Corridor than I thought. This one has evidence that he is largely endowed, or at least exceeds in the girth department. This 48-year-old man is particular: he only wants Asian men. Here’s a 47-year-old guy that is not as particular about ethnicity but wants college-aged men instead. My spidey senses think he may in fact be the previous poster. Finally, here’s a 44-year-old man who simply wants a mutual jack off. That at least is reasonably safe. Men, if you are going to indulge in one of these dubious adventures, I say go with the last guy.
- Guys, if you are into giving oral sex to a 31-year-old Asian woman, it’s best to get a room and act quickly. Unfortunately, that’s all you are going to get to do. She lives in Burke.
- There seems to be a New Year’s contest for the largest gangbang. This 28-year-old woman wants ten military guys and she promises that no orifice will be barred. This 32-year-old woman wants thirty men, and you don’t have to be military, but you do need to be college aged. No cost she says, but I have to think getting rid of chlamydia or worse won’t come free. This is certainly a memorable albeit profoundly stupid way to “break in” the New Year!
- She is looking for a she but she has a gatekeeper: he, i.e. her black boyfriend and of course he gets to watch and is the one you will actually be corresponding with. There are many intimate pictures of she, some primarily of interest to gynecologists.
- There are a lot of men into seeing other men screw their wives. Among these there seem to be men who are trying to talk their wives into doing this, but they seem reluctant or particular. Anyhow, this 40-year-old man from Alexandria is searching for a guy who will patiently seduce his wife, but it has to happen “organically”. He claims they have done this before. Don’t take the bait, guys. It’s unlikely to work and I suspect his real motive is to prove adultery, so he can dump her. And if you are as muscled as the guy he is looking for, you can find much quicker success at your local watering hole.
- At last: genuinely safe sex on Craigslist. Alas, it’s not you (a guy) that will be having sex, but this couple will with each other. You just get to watch them perform. They prefer 25 and younger. No mention of whether there is an entrance charge for this show.
- Attention Prince William County police: here’s a guy in Gainesville that wants to be caught by a cop while his girlfriend is giving him a blowjob in a public place. Instead of arresting them though you are supposed to drop your pants and get one from her to stay out of jail. You have to wonder what kind of girl would hang around with such a sick “boyfriend”. I hope the cops there have some integrity or aren’t paying attention to Craigslist. Not a cop? Not to worry. You can pretend to be a cop, but have to look the part.
- Here’s a 27-year-old guy willing to pay for the privilege of having carnal knowledge of an older woman. Here’s another man who wants to worship (be degraded by) a black woman. Here’s an older man looking for a sugar baby, but you must be young, thin, fit and submissive to earn your allowance. And here’s a generous older man who thinks it’s not sex if he has an orgasm all over your face.
- If you are a lesbian but also into 50 Shades of Grey, this 33-year-old dominant woman with a prominent sexual part below her waist is willing to take charge of you. I don’t get the Shades of Grey thing, as she should be way too young to have any grey.
- Here is one very desperate “kinky bareback crossdresser” looking for men at Sterling – Dulles – Ashburn. He seems to post one of these a day, and this is just a sample. I think I posted about him before because you can do almost anything to him but you must arrive freshly showered. Go figure.
More in February.
It’s that time of the month for me to survey the underbelly of Craigslist, at least here in Northern Virginia where I live. It’s the first Friday of the month and based on my previous experience it’s also likely to be a great day to find the weirdest morsels of entertainment from the Craigslist community, courtesy of my regional casual encounters section. With a weekend ahead of them, there are people aplenty on Craigslist who believe that their odd or kinky sex will be served to them their way, and multiple times before they go to work on Monday.
I had at least 215 page views on my Craigslist posts during November. These numbers have gone down in general. They used to be in the upper 200s or low 300s but at least I did marginally better than in October. Some statistics on who’s posting from the first page of posts this evening:
- 33 men are looking for women
- 45 men are looking for men
- 3 men are looking for couples
- 1 man is looking for a group of men
- 1 man is looking for a transgender
- 11 women are looking for men
- 6 women are looking for women
- 4 women are looking for couples
- 7 couples are looking for men
- 1 couple is looking for another couple
- 4 couples are looking for women
- 3 transgender people are looking for men
Time to jump into the cesspool in my latex suit, lest I catch something:
- She’s 26, chubby and has a lot of “desi” experience. I have no idea what this is about but apparently it has something to do with prostate rubbing. Perhaps she is a proctologist in training. Not sure why there is a picture of a half bald guy with his head between a woman’s legs but perhaps that is because I just don’t understand the whole desi thing yet. Does this have anything to do with Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball?
- Here are two ads from the same 38-year-old Reston man, as evidenced by having the same cock picture in both ads. In this ad he’s looking for a slut who puts out and is hoping she will put out with him and a group of guys, although he apparently doesn’t know any guys into this. In his other ad he’s trying to take care of that problem by advertising for a guy to jerk off with, but not because he’s gay, but because he’s looking to partner up so he can be part of his fantasy tag team. I guess it’s best to cover all bases. He says he’s single but since you must host, I’m betting he’s married.
- There’s 420-friendly and then there’s this 26-year-old woman from Manassas looking for another woman who is brave enough to openly post a picture of herself in panties smoking from her bong. She’s apparently done this before because she is hoping Noel is out there and will reply.
- Guys looking for other guys on Craigslist are nothing new. But a guy into guys with a foot fetish is strange. Even stranger is that this short 28-year-old guy from Dumfries wants you to step on him and presumably doing it with boots and cleats is fine. Oh, and he’s in a hurry. It’s got to be tonight! I hope 911 is on his speed dial.
- Ladies: pregnant and horny? You are in luck because this 30-year-old dude wants something different and apparently he hasn’t bagged a pregnant woman before. What could be his real motivation? My guess since he claims to be disease free, is to have unprotected sex without worrying about any pregnancy consequences.
- Ladies, if you are picky and will only settle for young, handsome and well endowed then this 26-year-old man can provide plenty of evidence that he has what you are looking for.
- She’s 22, lives near Dulles and is looking for another woman. She wants her right now and she’s on her period.
- The abbreviations and acronyms in Craigslist can sometimes be over the top, like this: “29 yo chub blk dl bttm looking for big blk dl top”. More of the same in the ad itself. I can’t quite parse all of it but at least I know he’s looking for another man. What’s with his weird black panties?
- Here’s a 53-year-old man looking for a daughter and he’s got a very explicit scenario he’s thinking about. Since he is looking for a long-term relationship with his “daughter”, apparently making her pregnant is not out of the question and maybe something he is hoping for. Let’s hope any potential daughter has more brains and a lower hormone level than he does. Good news, dad. I think I found a candidate daughter for you.
- Sex, drugs, a transgender woman and prostitution all in one ad from this newly unemployed 26-year-old “woman”. “She” apparently is planning multiple conquests tonight, probably because her bank account is low. If you are going to catch a deadly disease, $20 is a pretty cheap and possibly a happy way to start on your journey to hell.
- He’s 18 years old and is home from trade school in Vermont and wants you (a woman) to take care of his virginity problem.
- Women, if you are into urinating or squirting in a man’s mouth, this 29-year-old man wants to hear from you. He’s apparently advertised before but has gotten no responses. What’s wrong with Craigslist women?
- It’s nice to know that at least some African American women are into us 50 year plus men. I won’t be responding but if you meet her age qualification and live near Lorton you might want to see if she actually replies.
- This cuckolding stuff really gets deep. This 30-year-old cuckold couple from Reston (woman is dominant, naturally) is looking for another woman as a “cuckquean”. It’s hard to parse this post but I think this woman gets to act a lot like her submissive husband when the sex is over.
That’s all folks … until 2015.
It’s that time of the month for me to scour the Craigslist Northern Virginia casual encounters section. It’s easy to do. I don’t have to think about it too much, it brings in search traffic, and it rarely fails to be entertaining. You simply can’t make up some of these posts because often they are so bizarre that we regular people simply lack the imagination to think of some of these things. It’s also the Friday and thus the start of the weekend. You can almost feel libidos rising as great expectations get set for kinky casual encounters this weekend, virtually all of them to be dashed.
Some statistics. I’m just over 200 posts of Craigslist traffic this month. There are at least 204 hits that I can document but possibly more that I can’t. So I may have milked this trend for all I can get from it. Regardless, after I move next year I expect to drop this feature from the site. I’ve looked at Craigslist in Western Massachusetts where I’ll be living, and due to its lower population density there are far fewer of these sorts of posts, and they are far more pedestrian.
Anyhow, bringing up the first page, I see:
- 37 men looking for women
- 43 men looking for men
- 3 men looking for a couple
- 1 man looking for multiple men
- 3 men looking for transsexuals and cross dressers
- 0 women looking for women
- 5 women looking for men
- 3 women looking for multiple men
- 5 transsexuals or cross dressers looking for men
- Men, do you want to be some guy’s slave? This guy is taking applications. It sounds like he has one already and you would just be another one. You can be bi or straight, and given the latter I’m wondering why any heterosexual would apply. He’s looking for you to primarily do housework but you do get occasional opportunities to be tortured in his dungeon. What could be more fun? Well, just about anything. He must save a fortune by not hiring a maid service.
- Some months back I mentioned a guy aroused by the Latino men in a local Home Depot. Not sure if this is the same guy (probably not as he is in Leesburg) but he’s going with a similar theme. He’s hot for Latino men and their crotches, except it’s Walmart Latino men that have him hyper salivating. I hope Walmart security there keep tabs on the men’s room and also keeps the Loudoun County police on speed dial, because he is into giving you oral sex in one of their men’s room stalls. However, he is open to doing it in a car as well. My guess is he’ll be easy to spot because he’ll be wandering around the Leesburg Walmart and licking his lips at anyone that might pass for a Latino guy.
- She used to be a man, is done with her sex reassignment surgery and is now looking for a man to penetrate her. (Warning: explicit picture.) The good news for men into this kind of sex, as she says, is that you can’t make her pregnant, which if you think about it would be a trick on par with immaculate conception. Maybe womb and ovary transplants will be the next brave new frontier for these new women.
- Ladies, do you like to watch a couple in heat? You can get as close as you want to this couple (38 and 40) in Alexandria. Maybe bringing a large magnifying glass is in order. Undressing is optional.
- Here’s another man (see last month’s post), this time from Burke that is in his 20s who is looking to buy women’s used panties. But this one has a catch: it has to happen in person. He will compensate you for your trouble but it looks like he has more than used panties in mind. “I’m open minded, if you are too, maybe we can do a little bit more.”
- A couple from Woodbridge would like to do a “soft swap” this weekend, maybe. They are both in their 50’s and want to meet for dinner first to see if there is chemistry. It sounds like this lab experiment will fizzle out from lack of combustible material.
- Lots of “women” will advertise on Craigslist for men but are basically looking to sell their bodies. Their ads are quickly flagged, which is probably by there are so few postings from women. This 31-year-old man though at least is different: he is openly soliciting for women (two women at the same time) to fulfill his fantasy, and apparently he expects them to be whores, as he is willing to pay with “Benjamins”.
- He’s a buff 21-year-old guy in boxers looking for a woman to screw. To improve the odds, he also posted an ad for a transsexual. The same photo and text are in both ads.
- Twister was basically a game to allow underage girls and boys to get into each other’s intimate space. You are never too old to play the game however. Since you are an adult now, how about Naked Twister? This six-foot man from Alexandria is all set. I guess he is clueless on how totally lame this ad is, which on Craigslist says a lot.
- Are you into playing with daddies? He is a daddy all right but at 67 he’s old enough to be a granddaddy and maybe even a great granddaddy. So are you into incest role-play with a grandfather? If so please respond to him. My guess is he is the least likely poster on Craigslist tonight to get a reply.
- I like the occasional truth in advertising in a Craigslist post. This 32-year-old married guy from Reston says he nearing the end of his marriage and is “a bit of a hot mess”. What woman could possibly resist this offer?
- This 21-year-old woman knows how to have a great time: get high as a kite sniffing coke and then get screwed by an over-endowed man. It’s unclear whether as host you get to provide her skiing package.
- Attention autistic women like Temple Grandin: you too can take comfort from being kenneled. He wants a picture but it’s unclear whether it should include you with a dog collar in your mouth.
- Craigslist ads for men looking for men in particular would make most sailors blush. Here’s a 29-year-old gay guy who simply wants another man to kiss and cuddle with. He’s looking for something truly bizarre: intimacy. If it weren’t for the venue, this ad would be sort of sweet and romantic.
- A 28-year-old local woman wants to invite 8-10 men to bed, all at the same time. She is not into “lame campus stuff”. Strangely, here’s a 36-year-old woman looking for basically the same thing. I suspect this is the same poster. This is probably her as well. Someone(s) are definitely in heat! Maybe they should just go to this party.
- Ladies: an Arlington man wants to suck your toes and nothing else, scout’s honor!
- This post from a 26-year-old guy in Leesburg wins the most disgusting post of the month award. Don’t read it! You have been warned!
- Can a Korean lady be a redneck? Men are invited to find out.
More in December.
And we’re back! It’s officially autumn and perhaps that means some cooling of the libidos of my neighbors. The only way to know is to scan the Craigslist Northern Virginia Casual Encounters ads. I prefer to do this scanning on the first Friday of the month (which today is) because it’s the start of the weekend. People often have great expectations for their weekends. Let’s see if that’s true by scanning today’s ads.
But first, a few statistics. Google Analytics counted at least 242 hits for my Craigslist posts in September, about average, which comprises about 13% of my total web page views, also about average. What’s not average are the expectations of my fellow hormonally stressed neighbors, particularly, of course, the men. On the first page of posts I find:
- 31 men looking for women
- 44 men looking for men
- 6 men looking for a couple (man/woman)
- 3 men looking for a transvestite/transsexual
- 6 women looking for men
- 1 woman looking for a woman
- 2 women looking for multiple men
- 8 transsexuals/transvestites looking for men
- 1 group of men looking for a woman
Let’s indulge our prurient or bizarre interests:
- For the third month in a row, she’s back! At least she appears to be the same woman, always looking for another woman for breast play. It’s hard to say for sure, but she claims to be 27, African American and from Alexandria. Maybe she’s getting pickier. In previous postings she was looking for beyond enormous boobs. She still likes big breasts, but not big women, at least not more than size 12. She won’t host but is open to car play.
- It’s not just women who like their men big. Some men do as well. This man is not looking for length but for girth. And he is not just into oral sex but mostly anal sex, this weekend with himself as the recipient. Race doesn’t matter but girth does. You do have to like older men because he is 49.
- Here’s an ad from ten guys who think there is power in numbers. What randy woman would not like parallel sex as opposed to one at a time sex, i.e. a gangbang or group sex where you are the star attraction? There are up to ten of them you can have all at once although I suspect more than three at once is actually physically impossible. Not one of them is older than 38 and they all come equipped with more than six inches of masculinity. They say they are respectful, if there is anyway to have respectful group sex, and they are happy to meet at hotels. I assume they pay for the room, which makes for a cheap date if you think about it. (I try not to think about this too much.) Anyhow, this sounds kind of what this woman is looking for. She’s 28 but has a unique requirement: all her men must be Marines. Here’s hoping at least some of this group of ten qualify. Failing that, hang outside the gate of the Quantico Marine base and send come hither looks.
- Here’s a guy looking for a male tattoo artist. He has an explicit picture of his joystick, but apparently he wants the tattoo to go on his back not on his joystick. It’s unclear whether he is genuinely gay or simply wants a free tattoo. It’s kind of weird in any event.
- Men, do you prefer sleek and skinny black women in gowns? She looks like she is dressing for the prom, but she claims to be 29. I hope you are reading this shortly after I post it because she is only available until 6 PM. She has tons of pictures. I’ll bet your Visa or Mastercard will be required to gain admittance, but I must confess if I were tempted to pay for the privilege she would make an excellent choice.
- Men: are you obese and gay? It’s your lucky day, providing you want oral sex only because this guy from Alexandria will happily suck away. Curiously, he does not want you to return the pleasure or for that matter do anything else sexual with you, perhaps because you are obese and gay.
- It’s tough if you are a guy looking for a woman, particularly an older guy looking for a younger woman. Which is why this guy is going for the daddy/daughter angle. It’s unlikely to work but at least you put some different bait as lure on your fishing line.
- Sometimes it’s good to be a guy and still have pimples. You can’t be older than 20 to qualify for this opportunity to go “bareback” with this husband’s wife and multiple other young and horny guys. It shouldn’t be difficult to find these guys. It would take an exceptionally ugly woman for any heterosexual guy at that age to say no. It’s still not the least bit safe, so apparently some lapse of judgment may be part of his reasoning for this age requirement.
- He’s a 25 year old guy from Sterling with his own African American submissive “slut”. He’s looking for a dominant woman to help abuse her sometime after 5 PM today. Ladies, you can see most of the woman you are supposed to help humiliate in the ad.
- I still don’t understand the whole “I am gay and married” thing. Why the hell did you get married? You would think the two would be mutually exclusive. (This being Virginia, you know his spouse is a woman.) What I understand even less is why this gay and married guy would like to have you fill up some of his orifices and he thinks you might want some of his wife’s used panties. Curiously this 50-year-old man from Vienna’s post is right next to this one from a 30-year-old man from Woodbridge who is looking to buy any used panties you ladies have to sell. I guess he can’t get these on eBay?
- Are you a white Latin Asian man? I would think these would be mutually exclusive, but not to this 54 year old “dad”. If you are, apply here.
- Ladies, do you like your men tall and muscular? This 6’7” French guy looks fresh out of a gym with Arnold Schwarzenegger. You might be literally carried away if you hook up with him. Prepare to swoon.
- She needs an arrangement. She needs an older man (read: someone who has money) to eat and go shopping. It may have something to do with the fact that she is lactating and pregnant. Old Country Buffet may be her idea of a great dinner date, and it won’t cost too much.
- Guys, watch out for this 42-year-old woman who looks more like 62. She will grab you for sure, but what she will grab will be your wallet. Picture if interested.
- A couple in Warrenton is looking for a sperm donor. There is no indication whether this 32-year-old woman wants you to make a personal deposit or to leave a sample. Whatever, it sounds creepy. Haven’t they ever heard of sperm banks?
- There are a number of role-play ads on Craigslist today, but this is perhaps the most unusual and wordy: a woman in Tysons looking for “gyno” role-play and she’s got a very specific scenario she wants to try. Thankfully, you don’t need to be a real gynecologist, but it probably doesn’t hurt because it’s hard to rent a stirrup set. You can’t be more than 35 and must be at least six feet tall.
More next month.
It’s that time of the month to check Craigslist to find out what weird kinky desires are emerging from the ids of my fellow residents of Northern Virginia. This is done, of course, by looking at its casual encounters section.
Craigslist takes pride in being low tech, so I was surprised that they introduced a control that facilitates scanning the ads. Basically they introduced previous and next buttons and one that takes you back to a list of posts. Thanks Craigslist, but you could have done this about twenty years ago!
My Craigslist traffic is down a bit this month. I count at least 259 hits for my Craigslist casual encounter posts. Just 27 direct hits were for my August edition, but these often roll up under archives for the month or someone scanning the Craigslist tag, so it’s hard to quantify. It works out to about 12.4% of my total page views during August.
A quick look at who’s posting this month, not surprisingly it is mostly guys. Bringing up the first page shows:
- 44 men looking for women
- 42 men looking for men
- 3 men looking for transvestites/transsexuals
- 3 women looking for men
- 0 women looking for women
- 3 couples looking for women
- 2 couples looking for men
- 1 couple looking for another couple
- 5 transvestites/transsexuals looking for men
Let’s get to the dirt. I expanded the search beyond the first page to see what some of the women were up to. So many of them are flagged and quickly deleted that the few that remain may actually be legit.
- The woman last month who wanted to play with a woman with enormously big boobs is back this month, I think. I guess she didn’t get lucky in August. Curiously, I haven’t seen one ad from an underendowed man looking to play with an over-endowed man. There must be something awesome about enormous breasts, other than their size, that I just don’t get.
- What is it with guys looking for effeminate men? Is it because they want a woman, but none will have them, so a transvestite, transsexual or “she male” will have to do? Clearly, I don’t get it but I happen to be heterosexual. Anyhow, here’s a 50 year old guy from my area (Sterling/Herndon) looking for a hot, younger man to model for him in women’s clothes and he’ll be snapping pictures. Part of the answer here is what he says: “I’m not interested in sex but you can show off all you want ;-))” Maybe he’s just into drag queens. I’m guessing he also wrote this post.
- ¿Se habla español? Sólo un poco aquî. There is a considerable Latino population in the area, and that includes gay Latinos and sometimes they post in Spanish in this section of Craigslist. I used the power of Google Translate to learn there is a 37-year-old man in Falls Church who hangs out near the Culmore Home Depot. He is getting hot and bothered by all the muscular and sweaty Latino landscapers in the store. In fact, he is so turned on that he can hardly keep from unzipping their pants and tasting their wares right there in the store. Anyhow, if you are one of these guys, contacta con él. Note to poster: I was in a Home Depot in Reston today, and they hang out there too.
- It’s not just white women that prefer well-endowed black men. Many black men including this married guy (explicit picture) prefer white women. He looks quite endowed by nature, at least in length. He claims his “baby mama” won’t put out for him anyore, so that’s why he’s advertising. However, he’s into white women only. If you’re a couple it’s cool if the guy wants to watch. He’s 38 and is in Fairfax. Be his “White Queen”, ladies. However, while he claims he’s only looking for one woman, make sure he is all suited up down there before consuming some of this dark chocolate. Maybe it should be double breasted.
- Lady, channel your inner Sebastian. Go on and kiss the girl, for the first time below the lips, if she just will respond to your post. She is 20.
- Porn is turning women into lesbians! This 19-year-old female was all heterosexual until she started watching porn. Now her curiosity for her own sex is bubbling over. Maybe she should hook up with the previous poster. They’ll both be virgins, of a sort.
- Attention Fairfax County cops: tonight you may have an opportunity to arrest a guy for toking weed in the Fair Oaks Mall parking lot, i.e. if this professed “stoner” can find a woman to take some tokes with him. If you are not sure he’s the right guy, he is if a woman hops in the car and they take off down Hunter Mill Road and mysteriously park on a nearby dark street. He’ll be stoned, but not so stoned he can’t find a woman’s groovy spot because apparently weed makes him horny, not mellow. The rest of the post from this guy in his 30’s reads like a bad letter to Penthouse Forum Variations, which ladies if you indulge him don’t be surprised to find the details repeated there.
- Women, does having unprotected sex using no contraception with a 49-year-old man get your juices flowing? If you are thinking clearly, you should be hearing claxon horns bellowing and an instinctive desire to flee to safety. If you are trying to get pregnant by any means whatsoever, he may be past his sexual prime, but he’s as horny as an 18-year-older, or so he claims. Copy down everything on his driver’s license first. It’s pretty expensive to raise a child these days, so you’ll need a lot of child support when you take him to court. As for this guy, he desperately needs to take the Ice Bucket Challenge instead. If he’s reading Craigslist though, he should contact this woman. She’s claims to be a lesbian but I guess she doesn’t want to wait for withdrawals from a sperm bank.
- Do you give professional deep throat? I’m trying to think if anyone qualifies other than Linda Lovelace, and she’s dead. At least she was paid for her specialty. Here’s a black 31-year-old man from Herndon with ten inches of engorged manhood who wants you to prove your credentials. I just wonder where these women get their certification. The Kinsey Institute? Anyhow, for sure he’ll let you practice if you are working on your certification, and perhaps he can sign the certificate. He wants to go parking and my bet is he will be at the Herndon Monroe Park and Ride. So Fairfax cops, after you are done arresting that stoner, here’s another tip.
- Any very dominant women with heels out there into stomping on men’s testicles? Here’s an under endowed (explicit picture) and somewhat chunky 40+ guy from Manassas who wants just that from you. Speaking as a guy, the last thing that would do for me is make me orgasm. I’d be howling in pain for a week if some woman actually did that to me. Any man with his parts intact will be in the emergency room. So this guy must be crazy and missed the lecture that semen is stored in the prostate, not the testicles. They do provide the sperm. Sorry dude, you must be so desperate to have any sexual contact with a woman you want to put yourself in the hospital!
- Who couldn’t use a housecleaner? I’m sure you’d make time to be home if she cleaned your house in the nude. She’ll also wear panties if you prefer, and I would insist on it during that time of the month. I guess it’s in your interest to do a close inspection of her cleaning techniques. She’s only 20 years old and from Falls Church, so I’m not sure how good she’ll do in cleaning your house, but I’m betting she can clean out your wallet real well.
- Looks like I found one of the vanishingly few posts from a married woman on Craigslist looking for a bit on the side. She’s 38, she’s black, and she’s looking for one guy not just for sex but — get this — for a mental connection too. It sounds like she is really looking for love. She’s okay with the discretion thing, but if your wife is a drill sergeant, please don’t apply.
- She’s a 30-year-old woman looking for a woman to get naked with but only if you have an unusually large clitoris. She won’t show you hers in her photo, but you can see her boobs.
So there is nothing particularly kinky this month, but size of key sexual parts seems to be a theme. If you are looking for the desperately unusual post, check out last month’s post.