Posts Tagged ‘Sexuality’

The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounter weirdness: December 2014 edition

It’s that time of the month for me to survey the underbelly of Craigslist, at least here in Northern Virginia where I live. It’s the first Friday of the month and based on my previous experience it’s also likely to be a great day to find the weirdest morsels of entertainment from the Craigslist community, courtesy of my regional casual encounters section. With a weekend ahead of them, there are people aplenty on Craigslist who believe that their odd or kinky sex will be served to them their way, and multiple times before they go to work on Monday.

I had at least 215 page views on my Craigslist posts during November. These numbers have gone down in general. They used to be in the upper 200s or low 300s but at least I did marginally better than in October. Some statistics on who’s posting from the first page of posts this evening:

  • 33 men are looking for women
  • 45 men are looking for men
  • 3 men are looking for couples
  • 1 man is looking for a group of men
  • 1 man is looking for a transgender
  • 11 women are looking for men
  • 6 women are looking for women
  • 4 women are looking for couples
  • 7 couples are looking for men
  • 1 couple is looking for another couple
  • 4 couples are looking for women
  • 3 transgender people are looking for men

Time to jump into the cesspool in my latex suit, lest I catch something:

  • She’s 26, chubby and has a lot of “desi” experience. I have no idea what this is about but apparently it has something to do with prostate rubbing. Perhaps she is a proctologist in training. Not sure why there is a picture of a half bald guy with his head between a woman’s legs but perhaps that is because I just don’t understand the whole desi thing yet. Does this have anything to do with Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball?
  • Here are two ads from the same 38-year-old Reston man, as evidenced by having the same cock picture in both ads. In this ad he’s looking for a slut who puts out and is hoping she will put out with him and a group of guys, although he apparently doesn’t know any guys into this. In his other ad he’s trying to take care of that problem by advertising for a guy to jerk off with, but not because he’s gay, but because he’s looking to partner up so he can be part of his fantasy tag team. I guess it’s best to cover all bases. He says he’s single but since you must host, I’m betting he’s married.
  • There’s 420-friendly and then there’s this 26-year-old woman from Manassas looking for another woman who is brave enough to openly post a picture of herself in panties smoking from her bong. She’s apparently done this before because she is hoping Noel is out there and will reply.
  • Guys looking for other guys on Craigslist are nothing new. But a guy into guys with a foot fetish is strange. Even stranger is that this short 28-year-old guy from Dumfries wants you to step on him and presumably doing it with boots and cleats is fine. Oh, and he’s in a hurry. It’s got to be tonight! I hope 911 is on his speed dial.
  • Ladies: pregnant and horny? You are in luck because this 30-year-old dude wants something different and apparently he hasn’t bagged a pregnant woman before. What could be his real motivation? My guess since he claims to be disease free, is to have unprotected sex without worrying about any pregnancy consequences.
  • Ladies, if you are picky and will only settle for young, handsome and well endowed then this 26-year-old man can provide plenty of evidence that he has what you are looking for.
  • She’s 22, lives near Dulles and is looking for another woman. She wants her right now and she’s on her period.
  • The abbreviations and acronyms in Craigslist can sometimes be over the top, like this: “29 yo chub blk dl bttm looking for big blk dl top”. More of the same in the ad itself. I can’t quite parse all of it but at least I know he’s looking for another man. What’s with his weird black panties?
  • Here’s a 53-year-old man looking for a daughter and he’s got a very explicit scenario he’s thinking about. Since he is looking for a long-term relationship with his “daughter”, apparently making her pregnant is not out of the question and maybe something he is hoping for. Let’s hope any potential daughter has more brains and a lower hormone level than he does. Good news, dad. I think I found a candidate daughter for you.
  • Sex, drugs, a transgender woman and prostitution all in one ad from this newly unemployed 26-year-old “woman”. “She” apparently is planning multiple conquests tonight, probably because her bank account is low. If you are going to catch a deadly disease, $20 is a pretty cheap and possibly a happy way to start on your journey to hell.
  • He’s 18 years old and is home from trade school in Vermont and wants you (a woman) to take care of his virginity problem.
  • Women, if you are into urinating or squirting in a man’s mouth, this 29-year-old man wants to hear from you. He’s apparently advertised before but has gotten no responses. What’s wrong with Craigslist women?
  • It’s nice to know that at least some African American women are into us 50 year plus men. I won’t be responding but if you meet her age qualification and live near Lorton you might want to see if she actually replies.
  • This cuckolding stuff really gets deep. This 30-year-old cuckold couple from Reston (woman is dominant, naturally) is looking for another woman as a “cuckquean”. It’s hard to parse this post but I think this woman gets to act a lot like her submissive husband when the sex is over.

That’s all folks … until 2015.

 
The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounter weirdness: November 2014 edition

It’s that time of the month for me to scour the Craigslist Northern Virginia casual encounters section. It’s easy to do. I don’t have to think about it too much, it brings in search traffic, and it rarely fails to be entertaining. You simply can’t make up some of these posts because often they are so bizarre that we regular people simply lack the imagination to think of some of these things. It’s also the Friday and thus the start of the weekend. You can almost feel libidos rising as great expectations get set for kinky casual encounters this weekend, virtually all of them to be dashed.

Some statistics. I’m just over 200 posts of Craigslist traffic this month. There are at least 204 hits that I can document but possibly more that I can’t. So I may have milked this trend for all I can get from it. Regardless, after I move next year I expect to drop this feature from the site. I’ve looked at Craigslist in Western Massachusetts where I’ll be living, and due to its lower population density there are far fewer of these sorts of posts, and they are far more pedestrian.

Anyhow, bringing up the first page, I see:

  • 37 men looking for women
  • 43 men looking for men
  • 3 men looking for a couple
  • 1 man looking for multiple men
  • 3 men looking for transsexuals and cross dressers
  • 0 women looking for women
  • 5 women looking for men
  • 3 women looking for multiple men
  • 5 transsexuals or cross dressers looking for men

Onward:

  • Men, do you want to be some guy’s slave? This guy is taking applications. It sounds like he has one already and you would just be another one. You can be bi or straight, and given the latter I’m wondering why any heterosexual would apply. He’s looking for you to primarily do housework but you do get occasional opportunities to be tortured in his dungeon. What could be more fun? Well, just about anything. He must save a fortune by not hiring a maid service.
  • Some months back I mentioned a guy aroused by the Latino men in a local Home Depot. Not sure if this is the same guy (probably not as he is in Leesburg) but he’s going with a similar theme. He’s hot for Latino men and their crotches, except it’s Walmart Latino men that have him hyper salivating. I hope Walmart security there keep tabs on the men’s room and also keeps the Loudoun County police on speed dial, because he is into giving you oral sex in one of their men’s room stalls. However, he is open to doing it in a car as well. My guess is he’ll be easy to spot because he’ll be wandering around the Leesburg Walmart and licking his lips at anyone that might pass for a Latino guy.
  • She used to be a man, is done with her sex reassignment surgery and is now looking for a man to penetrate her. (Warning: explicit picture.) The good news for men into this kind of sex, as she says, is that you can’t make her pregnant, which if you think about it would be a trick on par with immaculate conception. Maybe womb and ovary transplants will be the next brave new frontier for these new women.
  • Ladies, do you like to watch a couple in heat? You can get as close as you want to this couple (38 and 40) in Alexandria. Maybe bringing a large magnifying glass is in order. Undressing is optional.
  • Here’s another man (see last month’s post), this time from Burke that is in his 20s who is looking to buy women’s used panties. But this one has a catch: it has to happen in person. He will compensate you for your trouble but it looks like he has more than used panties in mind. “I’m open minded, if you are too, maybe we can do a little bit more.”
  • A couple from Woodbridge would like to do a “soft swap” this weekend, maybe. They are both in their 50’s and want to meet for dinner first to see if there is chemistry. It sounds like this lab experiment will fizzle out from lack of combustible material.
  • Lots of “women” will advertise on Craigslist for men but are basically looking to sell their bodies. Their ads are quickly flagged, which is probably by there are so few postings from women. This 31-year-old man though at least is different: he is openly soliciting for women (two women at the same time) to fulfill his fantasy, and apparently he expects them to be whores, as he is willing to pay with “Benjamins”.
  • He’s a buff 21-year-old guy in boxers looking for a woman to screw. To improve the odds, he also posted an ad for a transsexual. The same photo and text are in both ads.
  • Twister was basically a game to allow underage girls and boys to get into each other’s intimate space. You are never too old to play the game however. Since you are an adult now, how about Naked Twister? This six-foot man from Alexandria is all set. I guess he is clueless on how totally lame this ad is, which on Craigslist says a lot.
  • Are you into playing with daddies? He is a daddy all right but at 67 he’s old enough to be a granddaddy and maybe even a great granddaddy. So are you into incest role-play with a grandfather? If so please respond to him. My guess is he is the least likely poster on Craigslist tonight to get a reply.
  • I like the occasional truth in advertising in a Craigslist post. This 32-year-old married guy from Reston says he nearing the end of his marriage and is “a bit of a hot mess”. What woman could possibly resist this offer?
  • This 21-year-old woman knows how to have a great time: get high as a kite sniffing coke and then get screwed by an over-endowed man. It’s unclear whether as host you get to provide her skiing package.
  • Attention autistic women like Temple Grandin: you too can take comfort from being kenneled. He wants a picture but it’s unclear whether it should include you with a dog collar in your mouth.
  • Craigslist ads for men looking for men in particular would make most sailors blush. Here’s a 29-year-old gay guy who simply wants another man to kiss and cuddle with. He’s looking for something truly bizarre: intimacy. If it weren’t for the venue, this ad would be sort of sweet and romantic.
  • A 28-year-old local woman wants to invite 8-10 men to bed, all at the same time. She is not into “lame campus stuff”. Strangely, here’s a 36-year-old woman looking for basically the same thing. I suspect this is the same poster. This is probably her as well. Someone(s) are definitely in heat! Maybe they should just go to this party.
  • Ladies: an Arlington man wants to suck your toes and nothing else, scout’s honor!
  • This post from a 26-year-old guy in Leesburg wins the most disgusting post of the month award. Don’t read it! You have been warned!
  • Can a Korean lady be a redneck? Men are invited to find out.

More in December.

 
The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounter weirdness: October 2014 edition

And we’re back! It’s officially autumn and perhaps that means some cooling of the libidos of my neighbors. The only way to know is to scan the Craigslist Northern Virginia Casual Encounters ads. I prefer to do this scanning on the first Friday of the month (which today is) because it’s the start of the weekend. People often have great expectations for their weekends. Let’s see if that’s true by scanning today’s ads.

But first, a few statistics. Google Analytics counted at least 242 hits for my Craigslist posts in September, about average, which comprises about 13% of my total web page views, also about average. What’s not average are the expectations of my fellow hormonally stressed neighbors, particularly, of course, the men. On the first page of posts I find:

  • 31 men looking for women
  • 44 men looking for men
  • 6 men looking for a couple (man/woman)
  • 3 men looking for a transvestite/transsexual
  • 6 women looking for men
  • 1 woman looking for a woman
  • 2 women looking for multiple men
  • 8 transsexuals/transvestites looking for men
  • 1 group of men looking for a woman

Let’s indulge our prurient or bizarre interests:

  • For the third month in a row, she’s back! At least she appears to be the same woman, always looking for another woman for breast play. It’s hard to say for sure, but she claims to be 27, African American and from Alexandria. Maybe she’s getting pickier. In previous postings she was looking for beyond enormous boobs. She still likes big breasts, but not big women, at least not more than size 12. She won’t host but is open to car play.
  • It’s not just women who like their men big. Some men do as well. This man is not looking for length but for girth. And he is not just into oral sex but mostly anal sex, this weekend with himself as the recipient. Race doesn’t matter but girth does. You do have to like older men because he is 49.
  • Here’s an ad from ten guys who think there is power in numbers. What randy woman would not like parallel sex as opposed to one at a time sex, i.e. a gangbang or group sex where you are the star attraction? There are up to ten of them you can have all at once although I suspect more than three at once is actually physically impossible. Not one of them is older than 38 and they all come equipped with more than six inches of masculinity. They say they are respectful, if there is anyway to have respectful group sex, and they are happy to meet at hotels. I assume they pay for the room, which makes for a cheap date if you think about it. (I try not to think about this too much.) Anyhow, this sounds kind of what this woman is looking for. She’s 28 but has a unique requirement: all her men must be Marines. Here’s hoping at least some of this group of ten qualify. Failing that, hang outside the gate of the Quantico Marine base and send come hither looks.
  • Here’s a guy looking for a male tattoo artist. He has an explicit picture of his joystick, but apparently he wants the tattoo to go on his back not on his joystick. It’s unclear whether he is genuinely gay or simply wants a free tattoo. It’s kind of weird in any event.
  • Men, do you prefer sleek and skinny black women in gowns? She looks like she is dressing for the prom, but she claims to be 29. I hope you are reading this shortly after I post it because she is only available until 6 PM. She has tons of pictures. I’ll bet your Visa or Mastercard will be required to gain admittance, but I must confess if I were tempted to pay for the privilege she would make an excellent choice.
  • Men: are you obese and gay? It’s your lucky day, providing you want oral sex only because this guy from Alexandria will happily suck away. Curiously, he does not want you to return the pleasure or for that matter do anything else sexual with you, perhaps because you are obese and gay.
  • It’s tough if you are a guy looking for a woman, particularly an older guy looking for a younger woman. Which is why this guy is going for the daddy/daughter angle. It’s unlikely to work but at least you put some different bait as lure on your fishing line.
  • Sometimes it’s good to be a guy and still have pimples. You can’t be older than 20 to qualify for this opportunity to go “bareback” with this husband’s wife and multiple other young and horny guys. It shouldn’t be difficult to find these guys. It would take an exceptionally ugly woman for any heterosexual guy at that age to say no. It’s still not the least bit safe, so apparently some lapse of judgment may be part of his reasoning for this age requirement.
  • He’s a 25 year old guy from Sterling with his own African American submissive “slut”. He’s looking for a dominant woman to help abuse her sometime after 5 PM today. Ladies, you can see most of the woman you are supposed to help humiliate in the ad.
  • I still don’t understand the whole “I am gay and married” thing. Why the hell did you get married? You would think the two would be mutually exclusive. (This being Virginia, you know his spouse is a woman.) What I understand even less is why this gay and married guy would like to have you fill up some of his orifices and he thinks you might want some of his wife’s used panties. Curiously this 50-year-old man from Vienna’s post is right next to this one from a 30-year-old man from Woodbridge who is looking to buy any used panties you ladies have to sell. I guess he can’t get these on eBay?
  • Are you a white Latin Asian man? I would think these would be mutually exclusive, but not to this 54 year old “dad”. If you are, apply here.
  • Ladies, do you like your men tall and muscular? This 6’7” French guy looks fresh out of a gym with Arnold Schwarzenegger. You might be literally carried away if you hook up with him. Prepare to swoon.
  • She needs an arrangement. She needs an older man (read: someone who has money) to eat and go shopping. It may have something to do with the fact that she is lactating and pregnant. Old Country Buffet may be her idea of a great dinner date, and it won’t cost too much.
  • Guys, watch out for this 42-year-old woman who looks more like 62. She will grab you for sure, but what she will grab will be your wallet. Picture if interested.
  • A couple in Warrenton is looking for a sperm donor. There is no indication whether this 32-year-old woman wants you to make a personal deposit or to leave a sample. Whatever, it sounds creepy. Haven’t they ever heard of sperm banks?
  • There are a number of role-play ads on Craigslist today, but this is perhaps the most unusual and wordy: a woman in Tysons looking for “gyno” role-play and she’s got a very specific scenario she wants to try. Thankfully, you don’t need to be a real gynecologist, but it probably doesn’t hurt because it’s hard to rent a stirrup set. You can’t be more than 35 and must be at least six feet tall.

More next month.

 
The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounter weirdness: September 2014 edition

It’s that time of the month to check Craigslist to find out what weird kinky desires are emerging from the ids of my fellow residents of Northern Virginia. This is done, of course, by looking at its casual encounters section.

Craigslist takes pride in being low tech, so I was surprised that they introduced a control that facilitates scanning the ads. Basically they introduced previous and next buttons and one that takes you back to a list of posts. Thanks Craigslist, but you could have done this about twenty years ago!

My Craigslist traffic is down a bit this month. I count at least 259 hits for my Craigslist casual encounter posts. Just 27 direct hits were for my August edition, but these often roll up under archives for the month or someone scanning the Craigslist tag, so it’s hard to quantify. It works out to about 12.4% of my total page views during August.

A quick look at who’s posting this month, not surprisingly it is mostly guys. Bringing up the first page shows:

  • 44 men looking for women
  • 42 men looking for men
  • 3 men looking for transvestites/transsexuals
  • 3 women looking for men
  • 0 women looking for women
  • 3 couples looking for women
  • 2 couples looking for men
  • 1 couple looking for another couple
  • 5 transvestites/transsexuals looking for men

Let’s get to the dirt. I expanded the search beyond the first page to see what some of the women were up to. So many of them are flagged and quickly deleted that the few that remain may actually be legit.

  • The woman last month who wanted to play with a woman with enormously big boobs is back this month, I think. I guess she didn’t get lucky in August. Curiously, I haven’t seen one ad from an underendowed man looking to play with an over-endowed man. There must be something awesome about enormous breasts, other than their size, that I just don’t get.
  • What is it with guys looking for effeminate men? Is it because they want a woman, but none will have them, so a transvestite, transsexual or “she male” will have to do? Clearly, I don’t get it but I happen to be heterosexual. Anyhow, here’s a 50 year old guy from my area (Sterling/Herndon) looking for a hot, younger man to model for him in women’s clothes and he’ll be snapping pictures. Part of the answer here is what he says: “I’m not interested in sex but you can show off all you want ;-))” Maybe he’s just into drag queens. I’m guessing he also wrote this post.
  • ¿Se habla español? Sólo un poco aquî. There is a considerable Latino population in the area, and that includes gay Latinos and sometimes they post in Spanish in this section of Craigslist. I used the power of Google Translate to learn there is a 37-year-old man in Falls Church who hangs out near the Culmore Home Depot. He is getting hot and bothered by all the muscular and sweaty Latino landscapers in the store. In fact, he is so turned on that he can hardly keep from unzipping their pants and tasting their wares right there in the store. Anyhow, if you are one of these guys, contacta con él. Note to poster: I was in a Home Depot in Reston today, and they hang out there too.
  • It’s not just white women that prefer well-endowed black men. Many black men including this married guy (explicit picture) prefer white women. He looks quite endowed by nature, at least in length. He claims his “baby mama” won’t put out for him anyore, so that’s why he’s advertising. However, he’s into white women only. If you’re a couple it’s cool if the guy wants to watch. He’s 38 and is in Fairfax. Be his “White Queen”, ladies. However, while he claims he’s only looking for one woman, make sure he is all suited up down there before consuming some of this dark chocolate. Maybe it should be double breasted.
  • Lady, channel your inner Sebastian. Go on and kiss the girl, for the first time below the lips, if she just will respond to your post. She is 20.
  • Porn is turning women into lesbians! This 19-year-old female was all heterosexual until she started watching porn. Now her curiosity for her own sex is bubbling over. Maybe she should hook up with the previous poster. They’ll both be virgins, of a sort.
  • Attention Fairfax County cops: tonight you may have an opportunity to arrest a guy for toking weed in the Fair Oaks Mall parking lot, i.e. if this professed “stoner” can find a woman to take some tokes with him. If you are not sure he’s the right guy, he is if a woman hops in the car and they take off down Hunter Mill Road and mysteriously park on a nearby dark street. He’ll be stoned, but not so stoned he can’t find a woman’s groovy spot because apparently weed makes him horny, not mellow. The rest of the post from this guy in his 30’s reads like a bad letter to Penthouse Forum Variations, which ladies if you indulge him don’t be surprised to find the details repeated there.
  • Women, does having unprotected sex using no contraception with a 49-year-old man get your juices flowing? If you are thinking clearly, you should be hearing claxon horns bellowing and an instinctive desire to flee to safety. If you are trying to get pregnant by any means whatsoever, he may be past his sexual prime, but he’s as horny as an 18-year-older, or so he claims. Copy down everything on his driver’s license first. It’s pretty expensive to raise a child these days, so you’ll need a lot of child support when you take him to court. As for this guy, he desperately needs to take the Ice Bucket Challenge instead. If he’s reading Craigslist though, he should contact this woman. She’s claims to be a lesbian but I guess she doesn’t want to wait for withdrawals from a sperm bank.
  • Do you give professional deep throat? I’m trying to think if anyone qualifies other than Linda Lovelace, and she’s dead. At least she was paid for her specialty. Here’s a black 31-year-old man from Herndon with ten inches of engorged manhood who wants you to prove your credentials. I just wonder where these women get their certification. The Kinsey Institute? Anyhow, for sure he’ll let you practice if you are working on your certification, and perhaps he can sign the certificate. He wants to go parking and my bet is he will be at the Herndon Monroe Park and Ride. So Fairfax cops, after you are done arresting that stoner, here’s another tip.
  • Any very dominant women with heels out there into stomping on men’s testicles? Here’s an under endowed (explicit picture) and somewhat chunky 40+ guy from Manassas who wants just that from you. Speaking as a guy, the last thing that would do for me is make me orgasm. I’d be howling in pain for a week if some woman actually did that to me. Any man with his parts intact will be in the emergency room. So this guy must be crazy and missed the lecture that semen is stored in the prostate, not the testicles. They do provide the sperm. Sorry dude, you must be so desperate to have any sexual contact with a woman you want to put yourself in the hospital!
  • Who couldn’t use a housecleaner? I’m sure you’d make time to be home if she cleaned your house in the nude. She’ll also wear panties if you prefer, and I would insist on it during that time of the month. I guess it’s in your interest to do a close inspection of her cleaning techniques. She’s only 20 years old and from Falls Church, so I’m not sure how good she’ll do in cleaning your house, but I’m betting she can clean out your wallet real well.
  • Looks like I found one of the vanishingly few posts from a married woman on Craigslist looking for a bit on the side. She’s 38, she’s black, and she’s looking for one guy not just for sex but — get this — for a mental connection too. It sounds like she is really looking for love. She’s okay with the discretion thing, but if your wife is a drill sergeant, please don’t apply.
  • She’s a 30-year-old woman looking for a woman to get naked with but only if you have an unusually large clitoris. She won’t show you hers in her photo, but you can see her boobs.

So there is nothing particularly kinky this month, but size of key sexual parts seems to be a theme. If you are looking for the desperately unusual post, check out last month’s post.

 
The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounter weirdness: August 2014 edition

I’m about to spend eleven days on the road, so to the extent I blog it will be a travelogue. This means I best try to put to bed (so to speak) my monthly critique of Craigslist Casual Encounters (Northern Virginia edition).

I start out with the obligatory statistics. According to Google Analytics, I had at least 322 page views for my Craigslist posts in July, plus views in my feed that are hard to measure. That’s about 15% of my browser traffic, and the numbers are up from June. As for the postings, on the first page of posts I find 35 men looking for women, 44 men looking for men, 2 men looking for a transsexual or transvestite, and 1 man looking for multiple men. Women are underrepresented, of course. 4 women are looking for men; just 1 woman is looking for another woman. 3 couples are looking for other couples. 4 couples are looking for women. 4 transsexuals/transvestites are looking for men and no other combination.

The amazing thing about the posts this month is that I found all these posts in the first half of the web page. Usually I have to dig to find the kinky stuff, at least those posted by women. So the kinky hormones are hitting a crescendo this month, which suggests a baby boomlet nine months from now. The winter doldrums of mediocre posts are clearly behind, so to speak. I am confident I could fill another couple of pages with other highly peculiar posts tonight. I’ll let you explore those for yourself.

  • Today is my lucky day for finding weird posts. Second from the top of the page, here’s a 30-year-old woman somewhere in Northern Virginia who wants a man to take a dump on her. This just goes to prove that no matter how disgusting you think some sexual act is, someone is into it. She prefers men like me: in their 40s and 50s, as well as someone with experience doing this. I would imagine in the latter category, even in a populous area like Northern Virginia, at best you will find only a handful of gentlemen (and I am being tongue in cheek) with experience in something this weird, but who knows? I don’t hang around fetlife.com. The good news is that if you want to do this, she claims to be a hottie: “I am a pretty woman, sincere, easy going who is in great shape – I work hard for it.” At least in one way she is normal: “No one would know I was into this.” Lord, I hope not! If this still doesn’t raise your eyebrows, go read the full ad, because exactly where you do #2 is open to negotiation. As for me, I’m trying to imagine how one times something like this. It would challenge even Harry Houdini. I’m guessing a bottle of Ex-Lax helps.
  • Women’s kinks are definitely coming out this month. Here’s a woman looking for a woman who is into breast play. It sounds like she wants to do the playing. From her photo she is probably modestly endowed in that area, but she is looking to play with breasts that are beyond enormous and from an African American woman only: “When I say very large breasts, I mean G, H, J cup and so on……the bigger the better ;-)” I hope she can keep us abreast on the matter. We’ll be waiting for a “full” report.
  • A 44-year-old, 170-pound white male near Dulles Airport who claims to be a coach is looking for men for his team. He’s in an attractive spandex jockstrap that doesn’t suggest he necessarily can make his own team. “Show coach you have what it takes,” he demands.
  • Most of us in the grocery store have heard announcements like “Cleanup on Aisle 3”. Here’s what I hope is an unusual guy who likes cleaning up the aftereffects of intercourse. But, of course, he is not the least bit weird. “I’m not a pervert In public. I have a professional lifestyle and I keep my sexual lifestyle discreet,” he says. And he plays very safe. He has papers he says, and you need them too. Hopefully the papers he is talking about is not for his dog’s spaying, so check them out couples. Warning: explicit picture.
  • Guys, has your head spun lately while getting a blowjob? Here’s the problem: you are getting head from women, who don’t know exactly how to give perfect head. Gay men know much better, and this guy apparently believes he can make your head spin more than Linda Blair’s in The Exorcist. If for some reason you are not into guy-on-guy sex, she’s a transsexual with real breasts. It’s unclear if you can verify this since “she” will be using “her” gloryhole only. No charge. “She” is not a pro because “my time is free.” “She” could be 99 for all you know because she won’t give her age, just her location: North Arlington. I am betting it is better when you take out the dentures first.
  • I still don’t understand the whole gloryhole fascination on Craigslist. I figure the person (almost always a man) on the other end must be hideous to look at otherwise they wouldn’t bother to go through the trouble of not being seen. Based on my experience as a heterosexual man being on the receiving side, all things being equal, oral sex is much better when your partner is good looking, although your partner’s enthusiasm has a lot to do with satisfaction too. Anyhow, this 35-year-old man has a side-by-side, dual gloryhole. It’s impossible for one person to do this from two gloryholes at the same time, so I’m not sure what the advantage is here, other than perhaps to watch the guy next to you at the same time. Anyhow, this is pretty weird. Is there such competition in gloryhole spots that you have to offer something unique? Warning: explicit picture.
  • This is almost as weird as the first post: here’s a virulently nonsmoking guy who wants to give a smoking woman oral sex, while she is smoking of course. I’m trying really hard but I can’t for the life of me figure out why this would be a turn on.
  • Speaking of cleanups on aisle 3, here’s the reverse of that previous poster: a 32-year-old guy from Ashburn who claims he has not had an orgasm in weeks is looking for a couple to suck him off. It’s not that he’s particularly bisexual, he’s just a realist and knows Craigslist well enough to figure out that two women won’t respond. So he’s willing to compromise. I still doubt he will get any replies except from two guys maybe.
  • Here’s a guy in Culpeper with an explicit photo of his penis. No big deal there, of course, but this 29-year-old man wants to prove just how much manhood he has, so he as a ruler next to it. Only it’s a fuzzy picture so you really can’t tell how well he “measures up”. He just wants to plunge into you right now and no, he won’t host, which most likely means that he is married — or that he lives in a pigsty. Of course, the married thing is rarely an issue with Craigslist casual encounters readers. While the ruler can’t hurt, his is one of so many similar posts it will simply get lost in the pile, and not a whole lot of women in Culpeper are likely to be reading Craigslist on a Saturday night anyhow. Sorry dude, but you’ll find it necessary to take this problem into your own hands for a solution tonight.

Anyhow, in my mind the first poster wins this month’s award for the most bizarre and/or disturbing post. Congrats, or something.

 
The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounters weirdness: July 2014 edition

Those wondering if I would stop these monthly reviews of Craigslist’s casual encounters area now have an answer: no, at least not quite yet. I count at least 311 page requests for my Craigslist content in the last thirty days, which is more than ten percent of my overall page views, so it’s reason to keep at this. Moreover, 31 of those were for June’s post and 18 were for May’s. These posts also write themselves; so I don’t have to think too much, just scan the ads for more lurid titles and flag the ones that look particularly unusual. For statistics purposes I see in the first page of listings:

  • 44 men looking for men
  • 38 men looking for women
  • 5 men looking for couples
  • 5 men looking for transvestites/transgender
  • 5 women looking for men
  • 5 women looking for women
  • 3 couples looking for women

While this content is clearly not high art, it does appeal to those of us with prurient or just bizarre tastes and I have some. So here we go with an Independence Day weekend review of the Northern Virginia edition of Craigslist Casual Encounters:

  • There seems to be an oversupply of wimpy husbands these days. Women want a man to take charge. Here’s a 27-year-old woman who rather than seek some marriage counseling wants you (a guy) to come on over and show both of them who’s boss, i.e. screw her while he watches, except he doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with this. I don’t care how horny you are, you can feel the bad karma. Just how many times do you want to reincarnate and go through these pathetic scenarios anyhow?
  • Most women on their period simply take out the Kotex. Some women though see mensuration is an opportunity for kinky sex. If the idea of mensuration plus cunnilingus appeals to you, check this 48-year-old woman out. Perhaps this would appeal to you if you like your steaks cooked rare.
  • Here’s a woman, age unknown that wants a date. She is looking for romance. Clearly she has no idea of what Craigslist Casual Encounters is about. Doubtless from her inbox stuffed with crass one-liners and penis pictures, she does now. She apparently is a firefighter, but I don’t think she is trained to put out these kinds of fires. Maybe she should hook up with this firefighter who may be sleeping in the next bunk.
  • Ms. Right Now wants her orifices filled up right now and you can see some of them in her X-rated picture. It has to be tonight and it has to be in Titusville, yes Titusville, Florida, not Northern Virginia, which is 841 miles away and 12 hours and 11 minutes away by car according to Google Maps. Good lucks guys. May the fastest hot rod win.
  • There are actually some successful casual encounters on Craigslist. This 27-year-old woman from Alexandria fondly remembers those with a man named Michael S. Apparently they were well acquainted with every NoTel Motel between Alexandria and Fredericksburg. She’s actually hoping he hasn’t reformed because she wants one more close encounter of the kinky kind.
  • She is probably a guy but anyhow he’s looking to sell his girlfriend’s panties while she is out of town. He promises that you can at least see a picture of whose intimates you will be sniffing. I’m gathering he ran out of drug money and I am hoping she is running away from this loser for good.
  • Another bi-curious 21-year-old blonde looking for a woman, but whose picture will break men’s hearts. She wants to be shown the ropes, but curiously doesn’t indicate any curiosity about bondage.
  • I’m trying to figure out why a guy would buy a Sybian. Moreover, from the title of the ad he’s only 20 years old. If you actually read the ad you will learn that he’s actually in his early 30s. In any event, it looks cheap and no matter how good the vibrations, this doesn’t look worth $1,345.
  • She’s a very generous 26-year-old wife: she wants to give her husband the pleasure of a threesome. You must be a woman under 35.
  • The whole adult nursing relationship thing is new to me, and I’m pretty sure I was weaned too early. Here’s a 32-year-old man from Fairfax Station who must have skipped the experience altogether and wants to make up for lost time. Apparently all the woman has to do is take her top off. It’s not sex I guess if it’s only breast play.
  • I’m not sure but I think he’s an aspiring actor for The Big Bang Theory. Anyhow he’s 26, geeky as all get out, with big dorky glasses and he wants his first anal experience, presumably with a woman.
  • He’s a 21-year-old “straight” looking for oral sex from a guy, but only with a condom on but to hedge his bets you must also be clean. This “straight” guy needs to watch Kinsey because he ain’t.
  • Ugh. This nearby 60-year-old gay man is looking to perform oral sex with Latino guys only. It’s not their ethnicity that bothers me, but that he also wants to be urinated all over. Oral sex I understand, but I just don’t get the whole urination as kink thing. Uncircumcised is preferred.
  • Can 35-year-old men be “boys”? I guess they can in the crazy world of Craigslist. This submissive “boy”, who is actually 40, is still looking for his daddy. I hope he isn’t bothered if his older man has erectile dysfunction too, because that’s likely to be the case.
  • Bi-curious goes both ways. A local 48-year-old married man is looking for a guy for oral sex. He won’t host naturally and car play is not his thing. I’m hoping he doesn’t have regular sex with his wife.

More next month.

 
The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounter weirdness: June 2014 edition

I note at least 241 page views for my Craigslist casual encounters posts last month, down a little, but still a significant source of my site’s traffic. As I have been doing this for about a year now, I’ve come to realize that because on Craigslist the weird is ordinary, at some point these reviews must lose their shock value, kind of like pornography. So those of you who prefer I ditch this stuff and provide my more civilized content instead, well, I may indulge you soon. I find that scanning this stuff in the hopes of getting more traffic is increasingly less interesting, probably because I am doing it more frequently. Meanwhile, what’s up on this Wednesday night in the weird world of Craigslist Casual Encounters, Washington D.C. edition? Warning: following links may take you to photos with sexually explicit content.

Quick counts on the first page of listings: 39 men looking for women, 44 men looking for men, 3 men looking for a couple, 1 man looking for multiple women, 1 man looking for multiple men, and 4 men looking for transvestites/transgender women. Among the alleged women posting, 9 women are looking for men, and no women are looking for anyone else. No couples looking tonight either. I guess they are too busy giving the kids baths and checking their homework. 3 transvestites/transgenders are looking for men.

  • Among the latter is a “Magnum XL Girl” with ten inches between her legs. “She” is only 23, or so she says, she’s in a fishnet but I’m not sure how great a catch she is as this is one experience I definitely don’t plan to have, but if I were to judge transvestites on appearance alone, she’d be an 8. She says she has a real ten incher “Magnum”, but I’m guessing it’s closer to eight inches. She may be black and Dominican, but she doesn’t come free. “Nasty gifts are required.” The STDs you may pick up come at no extra charge. Since ads with phone numbers are usually flagged, she posts her phone number in a photo instead. Dial 202-631-8966 if you like playing her game of Russian roulette.
  • Among the men looking for men is a true submissive who is open to anything, quite literally. Pick your orifice but you don’t have to limit them to just one. He’s a 20-year-old trim college boy that looks more boy than man and in tight blue briefs. He’s amenable to being tied down (and his picture proves it) and — this is weird — you can cover his whole body in lube. In that case, you had better bring an extra tube of lube and a rubber sheet, but be careful: he might slip away on you.
  • Need to get pregnant? Here’s a 23-year-old man who says, “i don’t care” if you are looking to get pregnant, or if you are married. In other words, he’s so highly strung on testosterone that he is the human equivalent of a tomcat in heat and he is anxious to make a deposit providing it is made deep in a woman’s traditional spot. In a way it’s good that he is posting on Craigslist, because he won’t get any responses, and if he were capable of thinking about this for half a second, he’d realize what a jackass of an idea this is. He posts his phone number but only accepts texts.
  • Looks like it’s my big opportunity to have carnal knowledge of a woman my daughter’s age, actually a couple of years younger than her, which sounds more than a little creepy. “I’m a female, 22, hwp. I really want to get with an older guy (in his 40’s, 50’s). Respond with a pic!” For a while there was a “Shades of Grey” thing going on among Craigslist women. No mention of that here, or of any craving to be a submissive or a masochist. She’d have to look hard to find my grey. Anyhow, it looks like I already have a ring on my finger, so no thanks! Also, I’d prefer not to have my picture posted across the Internet. What really motivates this woman? Most likely she is looking for a monetary reward and/or some blackmail. Expect a recurring donation on your Mastercard.
  • A 25-year-old Silver Spring, Maryland woman wants to know if I have a craving for chocolate. Yes, please, dark chocolate, preferably those addictive dark chocolate peanuts from Wegmans! Oh wait, she means do I have a craving for very obese black women. Umm, not in particular. But it was courteous of you to ask, I guess.
  • Now this is definitely weird, even for Craigslist! A 24-year-old Germantown woman wants guys to do a drive by jerk off into a condom. She just wants to watch and maybe direct you. It doesn’t appear that she wants to touch you. But when you are done and have reached your ecstasy, you need to give her your filled up condom. Maybe she should hook up with that third poster. I really think she just wants to get pregnant but doesn’t want intercourse, so perhaps she’s a lesbian with a maternal instinct. The saddest part of this ad is that there are so many horny men in the area that if she is serious she’ll get plenty of offers. My bet: “she” is actually a he, probably a cross-dressing he.
  • A black woman from Prince Georges County in Maryland is looking for a stud woman. How is this possible? She looks cute enough from her selfie. She also has a strap-on that she wants to use, and is very freaky but also is looking for a friend. So if you are a freaky and friendly lesbian or bi woman not over size 12, hit her up.
  • I knew it would be amusing to scan ads of men looking for multiple men. So many lurid titles to choose from! My favorite is this 50-year-old man from Ashburn, Virginia who posted an ad with the ever so genteel title: “Cum fuck this crossdressing bareback bottom slut and whore”. Read the ad if you want more of the same language. He likes to cross-dress but that’s not a deal killer, he just wants lots of men, or more specifically what’s between their legs, particularly after orgasm. While he says he is a tramp whore, he still has at least one standard: you got to be freshly showered, dudes!
  • Okay, just one more of these otherwise I am likely to go blind. Here’s a 29-year-old woman in D.C. into business travelers. She is attracted to single men under 40 who are tall and attractive. She however is a “curvy/BBW real woman”. I suspect any traveling businessman will prefer to hit up the hotel bar instead.

The woman looking for filled up condoms wins my creepy post of the month. More maybe next month.

 
The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounter weirdness: May 2014 edition

Spring has definitely sprung at last. Our lawn in carpeted with blossoms from our flowering trees. There is nothing like spring to also get the human sex hormones surging. My local Northern Virginia Craigslist casual encounters area seemed unusually pedestrian over our cold winter. I think some libidos went into hibernation. Are they out yet?

First, a quick check on my Craigslist Google Analytics statistics. I count at least 257 page requests for Craigslist casual encounters posts during April. There are also quite a few through Feedburner, but it’s harder to count those, so I won’t. So these posts remain popular, although perhaps a bit less so than last year. Also, let me do a quick check to see how many are posting for what. In the latest 100 posts that came up in my browser, I found 52 men looking for women, 33 men looking for men, one couple looking for a man, one couple looking for a woman, 3 men looking for transvestites, 5 women looking for men and just one woman (actually a lesbian couple) looking for a woman. There are also 5 transvestites looking for men. As usual, links may take you to ads with sexually explicit pictures.

  • Let’s start with a she-male from Alexandria. There “she” is, in panties, butthole available to the world in her selfie, but with most of her male parts hidden. Looks like the hormone treatment has just started because she doesn’t have much in the way of chest assets yet. “She” is Asian, but won’t provide her age (I’ll guess 30ish) and doesn’t say much of what she wants outside of the hot men in the title. She does say “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” and “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm”.
  • Here’s a married 52-year-old man from Loudoun County who has figured an escape clause around the whole cheating thing. He just wants to jerk off for you, providing you are a woman. There’s no sexual contact, if he’s true to his word. It also doesn’t qualify as an emotional affair, unless you count his grunting when he makes his climax. Anyhow, he’s got explicit pictures of his glory spot and he looks trim for a six-foot guy. I doubt he’ll get any takers so he might want to try using a webcam to show off instead. You can also see other pictures of him in this ad. Apparently he doesn’t have much else to do today but take naughty selfies.
  • I thought gloryholes were just legend around here because there aren’t too many places in the area grungy enough and disreputable enough to have them. This is because real estate around here is too expensive. Here’s how one gay guy got around the problem: he built his own gloryhole three feet inside his apartment made of plywood. I hope he got permission from the landlord. He’s 44, in the Rosslyn area and prefers them young. I do wonder why a guy would want a gloryhole. It’s no shame to be gay anymore, so why the anonymity?
  • A 28-year-old married man wants to be treated like shit by a woman. This seems a strange request, since it suggests that his wife must actually treat him well, and he finds satisfaction from being treated badly. He doesn’t even need sex, just wants to serve. Sounds like he has a bad case of submission fever and is so ashamed he can’t even tell his wife about it.
  • Here’s a twist: a 33-year-old bi-guy is looking for a bi-girl. He looks so metrosexual with his tousled hair and loose tie in his selfie. He may be bi and good looking, but apparently he doesn’t get much. It’s been a year since he’s had any sex with other than his right hand. Or maybe it’s been a year since he’s had sex with a woman. Anyhow, he wants to get laid and quick!
  • Are you into pregnant women? A 26-year-old single woman is 32 weeks pregnant, horny, and perhaps taking advantage of the fact that she can’t get further knocked up. She’s looking for an ongoing thing with a guy. I guess it’s polite not to ask about the father. She must be bi because she is also advertising for women.
  • A single Latina woman, whose pictures are in the ad but who looks too cute to be the poster, is looking to be lied to. Rather, she is looking for a “fib”. I think it’s a typo, and she wants a FWB, a Friend with Benefits. She’s into lots of things including Kyushu, which must be a new kink on Craigslist because I never heard of it before. Also, it looks like she likes Technicolor glowworms on her breasts. What’s that about?
  • And speaking of women, here’s a 26-year-old woman from Alexandria not just looking for a woman, but into a group of women. She wants your picture and in fairness she supplied her picture, at least of her privates. Oh good, she shaves down there, but apparently not in the last few days.
  • Here’s a couple in their mid 50s who are married, but not to each other, looking for a woman to join them. But really what they want are six to 10 people for one big large orgy. But since they are cheating from their respective spouses, it has to be weekdays during the day. It all sounds so dreadfully complicated.
  • Men, do you have a foot fetish? A 40-ish Fairfax couple is looking for you, or rather the female part of the couple is looking for you for what sounds like mostly a very long foot massage. It doesn’t sound like they want you for sex. I must say this lady has cute feet. Painting her toes could be fun.
  • I still don’t get the whole cuckold thing, but wimpy submissive husbands with domineering hot wives seems to the latest craze. If this is you and your missus, consider meeting other couples at a Dale City cuckolds couples party. Only the hosting couple is not a cuckold couple, he’s a black male who is dominant and she is the submissive. And he has a few black “bulls” on standby to join the party. Sounds like heaven for wimps.

So the kinky hormones must be kicking in. The pregnant woman into casual pregnant sex raised my eyebrows the most this month. Let’s see what June’s postings reveal.

 

 
The Thinker

Craigslist casual encounter weirdness: April 2014 edition

Spring has arrived in Northern Virginia, after one last snow event (not quite a snowstorm) on March 30. Flowers are coming out at last, and trees should belatedly start blooming any moment, along with probably toxic amounts of pollen. It seemed that all the snow and extremely cold weather had put a damper on my neighbors’ libidos, at least as judged by reading the Craigslist Northern Virginia casual encounter ads. For the most part there were lots of run of the mill ads, but little in the desperately strange and unusual category, which is my motivation for going there once a month. The other motivation is to get traffic to this site. There were at least 280 page views for my Craigslist posts in March, so it amounts to almost exactly ten percent of my traffic.

To get a sense of who’s posting for whom, I look at the first page and then count by various categories. There are 34 men looking for women, 43 men looking for men, 2 women looking for men, 3 women looking for women, 1 couple looking for a woman and 1 couple looking for a man. There are also 9 men looking for transvestites and 2 transvestites looking for fellow transvestites. So as usual it’s mostly a lot of horny guys, which means I’ll look past the first page to get a better sense of what “women” are looking for.

Anyhow, time to put on the dark glasses, tighten my chastity belt and head into that infamous Craigslist Twilight Zone. Warning: some links will take you to explicit pictures.

  • It’s not often you get senior citizens posting, particularly gay senior citizens. Today we have a 75-year-old man with three naked pictures of himself in Hybla Valley looking for, well, any guy for pretty much anything. Beggars can’t be choosers. At least he looks reasonably fit.
  • A 28-year-old woman from Fairfax is looking for her own gender. You don’t have to wait to see her naked in the spa, as she is open for business from the nose down in her selfie. She’s very clear she is looking for a woman, not some man pretending to be a woman, and she’s not willing to wait long. She also says: no pimps, no prostitutes and no perverts. This is obviously her first post on Craigslist and most likely her last as well if she’s going to have standards. Ladies, if you like women with broad hips and massive thighs, you’ll probably go for her.
  • A 27-year-old Asian guy is looking for a transsexual or cross dresser. His erection is only at half-mast, which makes me wonder if that prescription on the counter next to him is for Viagra.
  • Will curiosity kill the cat? A 40-year-old guy from the south side of Reston gets plenty of head from his wife and now wants to try giving it himself. He’s close to the Reston National Golf Course so perhaps you could swing by before your tee time. He doesn’t want a relationship but he does want to swallow whatever you have to give him. Somehow I’m betting this is not his first male-to-male encounter. White guys 35-55 only.
  • A 34-year-old man from Ashburn wants an older couple. You have to pick him up so I’m guessing he doesn’t have a car. What he does have is a full body shot and amazingly he’s in clothes and you can see his face. Nice goatee, dude.
  • Now this is different. Lots of guys are looking for guys, but this 44-year-old man from Centreville wants to find a guy into nylons. Sheer nude, grey or white stockings are his favorites. Guys with high arches are preferred.
  • Craigslist ads tend to be short, so if nothing else this 42-year-old guy gets some sort of award for a long and very specific ad. He’s looking for a “good girl” who wants to get in touch with her inner slut. In short, he wants to abuse you (with your consent) so when he is done you won’t know which way is up. It looks like he may tie you up as well, based on the photo with the ad. While he wants to do this to you, it’s important to know that he is otherwise normal. He’s basically just your normal guy with abusive fantasies running through his head looking for a consensual relationship. Kudos for laying it all out, but I doubt he will get any nibbles. Try fetfile.com or Washington’s Black Rose society if you are serious.
  • Couples, do you need a dominant “bull” of a man to take your wife to places she has never been before between the sheets? Lots of couples on Craigslist are looking for a BBC, and here’s a guy who qualifies and must work out in a gym twice a day because he seems to have nothing but rippling muscles. I assume those X-rated pictures are of him hard at work in previous encounters. No wonder he is particular. If I were the woman, I’d still insist he wear a condom. Make that two.
  • Here’s a married woman who wants to “play” but I think her idea of playing is to play with your wallet, since she says she likes “shopping”. An intimate picture of your nether region is required, but I think she’d prefer a picture of your credit card instead.
  • Here’s a woman who is obviously a Craigslist first timer. She wants a Salsa dancing partner. Boy is she in the wrong place!
  • So women actually do have casual encounters with men on Craigslist. Here’s proof because this 28-year-old woman from Woodbridge lost contact with her “breakfast club” buddy and wants him back! I am betting her mailbox is overwhelmed with false positives.
  • Here’s an unusual married woman whose husband is turning 40 and she wants his birthday to be memorable. She wants another woman to come on over, get in the hot tub and give him a full body massage. Don’t worry; she’s not the jealous type. I don’t know why but should any woman actually show up, I’m betting the wife is mysteriously absent.

So the guy into guys wearing nylons wins the award this month, but only by default. This month is not nearly as crazy as some postings in past months. Maybe next month the kinky hormones will be in more evidence.

 
The Thinker

Sex, the aging man and the journey toward being fully human

Men will notice some changes to their libido as they age. With rare exceptions, your libido is going to go down. This is primarily because the level of testosterone in your blood is going down. It decreases with age.

This is generally greatly disturbing to the middle aged man. That’s because they envision themselves as 20-something for life. Their hair may be receding and their gut may be expanding — all typical signs of aging in men — but somehow they figure their penis is exempt. All of this is entirely natural, but sadly a lot of this information is simply not discussed.

Physicians will usually write men a prescription for Viagra or Cialis easily enough. Rarely will physicians clue you in on what’s really likely to happen to your sex drive as you age. What it amounts to is that if you want a sex life after forty or fifty, you need to reduce your expectations. You need to stop chasing the illusion that you are 20-something. You need to communicate really well with your partner. And you need to change how you make love. That’s quite an agenda! No wonder so many men simply withdraw from sex. It’s too much pressure!

It’s also more than a little embarrassing. It used to be that erections just happened. In many cases, they arrived unwelcome and for no reason at all. Perhaps it was a fleeting memory of a previously great sexual encounter that caused you to shift legs on the subway to avoid embarrassment. When you are 40-something or older, the memory is still there, but it’s unlikely to kick off an erection. You may find that given the choice between making love to a willing and decently attractive woman and watching football, you’ll choose the football.

It’s easy for you to feel horny with relatively high levels of testosterone surging through your blood. Most men who use anti-impotence drugs soon realize that while once aroused these drugs help them maintain an erection, there is also now the issue of getting aroused. It usually helps to have a surplus of testosterone in the bloodstream to feel arousal. To the extent men have it, it comes from longer intervals between orgasms. And that’s when it becomes embarrassing. If you are used to shagging with the missus every night or every other night, maybe it’s now once a week, then biweekly, then once a month, and then maybe only on Valentine’s Day. It’s hard to tell your significant other that you just aren’t a stud anymore. Even if she is drop dead gorgeous, that’s sometimes not enough for your body to keep up with your mind.

Not that long ago this wasn’t much of a problem. This was because nature took care of the embarrassment problem, by tipping the scales that you would be dead before it mattered. Men went off to fight in wars and died nastily in the heat of a battle. Or they simply wore out chasing after sheep or hunting a saber tooth tiger. Or they were culled by the many diseases that are now easily prevented. Actually, a lot of men (and women) died from abscessed teeth. There were no schools of dentistry until recently. Now of course fewer of us serve in wars so we get to live to our doddering years. So now we are getting a close encounter with our declining sex drives, and it is often disturbing. It is made more disturbing by the simple lack of quality information on what is normal. You can find it if you look but you have to look real hard. I came across such a site, well actually just a web page, recently. Here it is.

By all means reach for the Cialis or Viagra, assuming you can afford these overpriced anti-impotence drugs. Men often use them to great effect, but soon discover that while it makes sex possible it doesn’t increase the frequency of sex or give you the chronic urge to have sex like you had as an adolescent. That usually just keeps declining with age. Some men figure out the real issue, which is why testosterone supplements are all the rage online. It doesn’t take much Googling to discover these supplements are of dubious value, and likely dangerous, probably much like estrogen supplements are dangerous for women during and after menopause.

The bottom line for men is that nature intends you to slow down. It wants you to smell the flowers instead of the scent of women. This is actually fine for most women your age. Many still want to have sex, but a lot less frequently. A frequent issue with menopause is vaginal dryness during sex, which means there will be a tube of lube in your future, as well as the Cialis, when you do have sex. Moreover, since your sex drive is declining and her sex drive is likely declining as well, you are both more likely to just cuddle instead. The exception may be when you are in your forties. Women tend to peak sexually in their forties while men start to noticeably decline sexually in their forties. That’s when it gets embarrassing for men. She wants it but you don’t necessarily want it, and you can’t always keep up with demand. And that makes you feel, well, less of a man, because real men with a hot woman can keep it up.

So what you might want to do is print out that web page and pass it on to your wife or significant other. First thing you want to do is to remove the shame factor, because shame will contribute to sexual dysfunction when what you are going through is completely normal. Second, if you do value having sex, albeit less frequently than before, you need to educate your S.O. on what she can do to increase the probability of success. You need to educate them that losing an erection during sex is normal for older men but with a decent amount of pressure it is likely to come back and if applied continuously your erection may not fade. All this takes intimate communications, usually a challenge for men who are trained to behave as if they are invulnerable and eternally youthful. If your partner loves you, then it’s not unrealistic to expect them to work with you and your aging body.

It’s also okay to now have sex and not necessarily have an orgasm. If she is horny and you are not, you can use a vibrator on her or better yet your mouth. You may get aroused to the point where you want to have sex, in which case you’ll be raring to go, or not. But most likely next time you will be in the mood. It’s okay. This is what nature intended.

Is there an upside to all this? Actually, there are many upsides for personal growth. First, sex can take on a deeper and richer meaning than it did when you were younger. It becomes more about intimacy and connection that it does about anxiously depositing semen. When you do have sex, it might well be longer and more enjoyable than when you were younger. It becomes more about making love, connecting and enjoying your partner in many dimensions. You can also become more aware that the tactile parts of lovemaking are very pleasurable too: simply touching, or caressing, looking in her eyes, nibbling her ears or kissing her can be very enjoyable.

Perhaps the biggest reason to enjoy your sexual decline is the one so rarely stated: you have the opportunity to see yourself, and your partner, as a human being with many dimensions, of which sex is but one aspect. Having spent most of your life defining yourself as a man, you may discover yourself as a human being instead. Things like sex still matter, but should matter less. You may find yourself being able to see someone as multi-dimensional, rather than as a role or an object. You may have a deeper appreciation for the experience of simply being a human.

These are some of the gifts of age, but they often require giving up some of the fallacious notions of youth and assumptions on how you should be because you are a male. This stuff is a graduate school for human relations. If you live long enough, and are brave enough to try it, you may find that this stage of life can be a great learning experience about what it means to be fully human. These are aspects of yourself that were always there, but which you ignored or deprecated. They too are precious in their own way.

Be brave and take that journey into being fully human.

 

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